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 A matter of trust - Confused
I've been in a relationship with my boyfriend for
about 1 1/2. We've known each other for about 2 1/2
years. About 3 or 4 months ago I found a phone number in
his car. I confronted him and he said this woman at work
has been after him. He said he was not interested in her.
But I asked him why he took her number. He said he didn't
know. So I forgave him for that. Just yesterday which was
November 24, One Sunday Sunday morning while he was sleep
I gone in his wallet and found that person's number again
but it was to her mom's house. I was wrong for going in
his wallet. He said she don't mean anything to him. I
don't know what to do. Could you please help me.
 From: Bernd
It's damn hard trying to find out what the truth is
when there's a little bell ringing in your head saying
"something isn't right here", and yet your
partner keeps assuring you that everything IS all right.
Trying to find out the truth drove me crazy, and it
became a no- win kind of exercise. What helped me most
was when I stopped looking for reassurance from my wife
about whether she was being faithful, and gave myself
permission to trust my gut feelings. Those gut feelings
told me I didn't feel safe. I no longer needed to
"verbally" hear reassurance from my wife. Once
I trusted my intuition enough, I realized my intuition
would let me know when my partner was being honest, by
giving me a calm solid feeling inside. To take care of my
"not feeling safe" feelings, I slept on the
couch. I didn't hug, touch, or be physically close with
her when it didn't feel right inside, when it didn't feel
safe. She hated it. But it also made her aware in ways
that nothing else could that she could no longer
bullshit. If her actions and her motives were honest, my
intuition would tell me.
I think the hardest part of the struggle over
"cheating" is that we have to choose between
believing our partner, or believing in ourself. If we
find out later we have been lied to, it devastates our
trust in ourself. Devastates. Take time for yourself, and
talk over your feelings with others. Whether or not your
partner is being unfaithful, or skating close to it, is
something you'll find the answer to in time. In the
meantime, I suspect that your real struggle lies with
whether or not to trust your gut feelings, and if you do
start to trust them, what to do about it. If you make
that your focus, I suspect that you'll find the answers
you need to deal with this from a position of inner
strength, not fear. Good luck.
From: anonymous
Knowing about this number makes you feel like you
can't trust him, and you'll keep thinking about if he's
calling her. You know there's more important things to be
worrying about than stupid stuff like this. If he calling
her than you must not be that important to him and he'll
just keep you right where you are. Why would you want a
man like that? If your his lover, bestfriend, girlfriend
then any thing that he needs to discuss should be with
you not someone else. Why can't he confide in you? If
there's a problem with that then there will always be
one. In this kind of life nobody belongs to nobody,
everyone should except each other for who they are. If he
feels that he needs to talk to someone else then
apparantly that leaves you to know that he cannot confide
in you. But you kown guy's like to have their cake and
icecream. How about you? It's time to think about you!
Who would you like to talk to? You like cake and
icecream? Then ---- go get the flavor you want!!!!!!
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