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 Hard Letting Go - Lula Truelove
I love someone who is not willing to commit to anyone.
I find I cannot let go. Each experience I have every day,
I think about sharing with him. Please, please, any
advice on letting go would be helpful. It has been 2
years. I have dated others... all I do is compare. They
will never be enough.
 From: Bernd
Your situation brings to mind the word
"fixation", something I struggled with for many
years. In my case, I "fell in love" with many
females that didn't reciprocate in any meaningful way,
and I spent tons of time trying to "win" their
love.
My best guess now is that the reason I did that was
because, inside, I had a deep-seated (partially
subconcious) belief that getting one of these females to
love me would "prove" I was worthy of being
loved. I felt very unworthy, and very insecure. The irony
is that, once I DID get into a real relationship, I still
often felt insecure, and unworthy. As a result, I neeeded
more and more from my partner, and my clinging set off
warning bells inside them that this was NOT a healthy
relationship. It's a good example of "be careful
what you wish for, you might just get it".
I'd highly recommend getting and reading the book
"Women Who Love too Much" (see my list of
Relationship Links). I think you'll discover many things
about yourself in those pages, and how your longing for
love is crippled by struggles with your views of your own
worthiness. This man's inability or unwillingness to
begin a meaningful relationship with you is a reflection
of him, not you. And more, you won't find a peace with
yourself with a man; that has to come from inside YOU
first.
Start with that, and take whatever suggestions the
author (a woman, by the way) gives that feel right for
you. Then let us know what new insights you discover
about yourself, and what new rainbows you find, as time
goes on. Good luck, and hugggggggs. You ARE worthy of
being loved.
From: Lonesome Dove
My comment to Lula Truelove is that I am going through
the same situation right now. Each day I try to forget to
forget about him but it is very hard. I try to keep
myself busy but it is not working. Each day I get
reminded of him because I see couples so happy, and I am
not happy, actually I am very lonely. I guess if it was
meant to be something great would of happened between us,
but it didn't. So each day I have to try to move on and
search for something better and something that would wipe
the memories I have of him away.
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