 What do women want? - maelstrom
For years I was the stereo typical "nice
guy", trying to get to know the lady first, trying
to make her feel comfortable with me and secure before I
pursue anything. All I have gotten from this approach is
" Oh, your such a good friend " or " Wow,
your such a nice guy I'll help you find a girl ".
Meanwhile I see my friends with beautiful girls , and
watch them treat these women like shit and the women
still hang around. I've talked to alot of women about
this subject, and most of them tell me that they would
love to have a man that treats them a nicely as I do. Is
this true? Do women really want nice guys , or is this
just a fallacy?
 From: Kim
Okay. This is not going to be some insightful reply,
just a basic feeling that I have on the subject. For me,
I love to be with a "nice" guy, BUT it's nice
to know that underneath all of the politeness there is a
simmering pot of passion that he is controlling. Kind of
like "if I weren't such a nice guy I would want to
be somewhere else with you right now....." Now
that's probably my codependency talking, but I think alot
of women have a similar feeling, though it may not be
healthy.
Remember though, just because a woman wants the man to
feel attracted in a very passionate way, doesn't mean
that she doesn't appreciate or want him to be a real and
caring man. I have alot of passion when I am
"in-love" with the guy I'm with AND I try and
be nice and appropriate with it too. It's kind of like an
undercurrent of excitement. It's there, but you don't
have to act on it every moment......but it keeps them
guessing what will come next. I guess it's just fun!
I don't know if this is what you're talking about, but
I thought I'd share it with you. Good luck. There are
healthy women out there who want a REAL man like you and
not a game player.
From: Amberle
Well, I can tell you what this woman wants. I want
respect, passion, and friendship. I would never be with
my boyfriend if he weren't my best friend. *Any* best
friend would respect the other, regardless of the gender.
So I think you should be proud of being "nice";
it's not a "four-letter word". It's the right
way to be. And who wants to be with a woman who wants to
be treated badly? You shouldn't. Luck to you.
From: Kit
Well,.... I will be very honest with you. the fact
that you are a nice guy is not a problem in women's eyes.
The fact that you see your friends with all these
beautiful women that they treat like dirt is because SOME
women like a challenge. A little something to keep the
excitement and competition going.
Women sure as hell don't like to be TREATED like shit.
That just has a tendency to get out of hand in some
cases.
Don't EVER stop being a "nice guy". My
advice to you is to not make yourself seem so available
and interested. Don't be a typical guy about it - but
just be subtle. Don't give TOO much information about
your feelings - just a bit here and there - but at least
that much. Don't wear it thin too soon. Take it a little
bit at a time. If you spark a woman's curiosity about
you, it's a sure attention grabber. Try to stray from
becoming the girls friend BEFORE you pursue her. But
become her friend AS you pursue her. I know that my
friends are very important to me. If I were to date one
of them and it didn't work out, I would have lost
something in that friendship forever. I hope this makes
SOME kind of sense. If I could explain how us women are
and why we are the way we are, I would be a genius. I
can't even figure us out. But - the best of luck to you.
Just don't ever fall from the "nice guy" label,
just to get a girl. There are those of us out there who
are looking for nice guys.
From: Bernd
I don't know if you can identify with any of my
experiences, but I thought I'd tell you a bit about what
I went thru. I tried to be a nice guy, but interpreted
that to mean I should be extra sensitive to the girl's
feelings, and cautious about almost every move I made.
As a result, I was passive, and very out-of-touch with
what was best for ME. I longed for closeness, but was too
timid to risk rejection. By the time I DID get up the
nerve, the "relationship" had become
uncomfortable for them. They sensed a need in me that
felt smothering to them (and it was), and distanced
themselves. I went thru a lot of rejections because of
this dance.
If I had the insights I do now, I would do the dating
game a lot different. I would focus on what felt good and
healthy for me first, because if I'm not in touch with my
own feelings and needs - and doing what I need to take
good care of them - how in the world can I ever be in
touch with my partner's needs and feelings? The more in
touch I am with myself, the more I can be ME - not
someone I hope Lynda will like. It seems more risky, but
it isn't. Those are my thoughts.
From: cindy
I think these women who like "abusive men"
are in a Challenge mode. If you read my listing on
abusive men and why my girlfriend is with one when she
has so much going for her, I just can't understand it.
All her 34 years she has dated NICE MEN then finially a
real Rotten Apple shows up in her life and she stays with
him. I think women find nice men boring and no challenge,
they need something else to keep things interesting. The
problem is they don't realize what's ahead until it's to
late. You can call it low self-esteem or whatever but the
fact remains women will be attracted to these kind of men
until we stop letting them treat us like they do. ANOTHER
THING, MEN ONLY DO WHAT US WOMEN LET THEM. I'VE BEEN
THERE. I JUST GOT SO TIRED I LEFT.
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