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 I can't have an orgasm -
NeedHelp
Hi, I hope I can talk about this on this message
board. I am an attractive 28 yr old female, never been
married, had 4 serious relationships, been in love twice,
and haven't had an orgasm for years! And I mean years!
The last time was in college with a "good"
friend who thought he loved me. Well, that is another
story, but I can still remember my last orgasm. Since
college, I've had 3 relationships all of which lasted
longer than 6 months. And yes, I had sex with all 3 of
them. Despite the fact that they were "hunks"
who were, should I say, well endowed, I just haven't been
able to reach the point of climax. My current boyfriend
is tall, dark, handsome, lifts weights, has a good job
and plenty of esteem. He has a great body and is an
excellent lovemaker. So why should I complain? Sigh...
We have tried everything. When we start fooling
around, I concentrate on getting excited. At first, I am
really turned on and the feeling is great, he touches my
breasts and goes down on me. That all feels good but the
excitement goes away after the first few minutes of
contact. By that time he already has his penis inside of
me and it basically feels like I'm being poked. It
actually feels annoying. Don't get me wrong, it is
nothing he is doing wrong, it is with me. I've had tis
same problem for the last 2 boyfriends.
I am going crazy! So many times I've dreamed of just
having an orgasm that it ticks me and he wonders what
he's doing wrong. We've tried all sorts of play-toys and
oils, etc... Nothing seems to work. I've never
masturbated and have no desire to do so. I am positive
that will not turn me on. The thought of it disgusts me.
Someone please help me! We've shared all our fantasies
and nothing is working. I really love this guy and I
think he is the one. But my sexual problem HAS to be
worked out before I think about marriage! One thing that
I love best is having his penis slide up and down inside
my lips and gently touching my clit. This feels better
than anything, but like I said, the feeling goes away
after a while. Help me, I'm pulling my hair out!
 From: cindy
Hi, your problem is very common. Your trying to
substain an orgasm with someone else. This is your first
problem. You don't know your body yet. Some women don't
discover themselves until their in there fortie's. I know
what you mean when you say about masturbating, but, most
times that's what it takes to realize what you need and
what you don't. If what turns you on is your boyfriend's
penis rubbing you then you need to get a good vibrator,
this will bring you to orgasm, get the one that
stimulates your clitoris. If it's to expensive then buy a
powerful shower massager. This item will bring you to
orgasm, for sure. Trust me. My boyfriend complains that
when he goes down on me it takes forever, but It just
takes me that long to relax and enjoy it.
Wheather it be self-consious or not that's what
happens to me. You'll find after you get over the fear of
masterbating with a vibrator, you'll enjoy it. I myself
won't use anything else other then a shower massager.
Believe me, it will help you. Another thing is try to
stay away from alcohol when engaging in sex. It will take
3 times a long and it will only frustrate you. Try this.
Wait 2 weeks after you have had an orgasm with your tool,
go to your boyfriend and watch a porno. Guaranteed this
will bring you to orgasm when he goes down on you. Last
thing, remember very few women actually orgasm through
sexual penatration. Most women only orgasm through
stimulation of the clitoris. Hope this helps. I know this
is quite blunt but what the hell, this is what this site
is for. Let me know.
From: Lynda
I suspect many women have the same worries and
concerns that you mentioned about not reaching orgasm.
the line that stood out at me in your post was “I
concentrate on getting excited”. To me, this is a
self fullfilling prophocy. You get so bogged down in the
“destination” that you forget to enjoy the
“trip”. When we are anxious and worried about
reaching orgasm, we are not able to fully feel the
sensations that we ARE having from out partner or
ourself.
We are guilty of not KNOWING our own bodies. I think
every woman should explore her body and be aware of what
feels good and what feels great! Take some time and just
relax and run your fingers over your arns,
belly,hips,legs and really Feel the sensations. You
don’t have to touch anywhere that you arn’t
comfortable with....every inch off our skin is home to
many nerve endings.
Once you have done this a few times, perhaps you could
have a ‘touch session” with your partner. No
sex, no genital touching, just sensuous soft kisses,
light touches etc. With this type of play, the
“worry” about orgasm is not in the picture and
you can relax totally. Give yourself permission to enjoy
the magic of simple touch. I understand your reluctance
to try masterbating....unfortunately, society has had a
great deal of influance over a woman’s sexuality
from when we were little girls,”don’ touch down
there”.
I respect your choice, but I also ask you to keep an
open mind re masterbation...it is a wonderful, healthy
way to explore safely how “you” work. In fact,
as a nurse, we recommend women take a mirror and also
know what they nornally look like in the genital area, so
that any changes in color etc, are caught early. After
all we are all very beautiful because God doesn’t
make mistakes:) I hope you find some help here, we are
all searching for the same thing in the end.....greater
Love. Good luck!! hugs
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