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 What have I done? - Randy G.
I am divorced and have custody of my 7 year old
daughter. My girlfriend, Tracy, has never been married
and has a 7 year old son. We lived together for three
years. We've have had our share of problems throughout
our relationship, and we got to the point where we
couldn't agree on a solution to them. Tracy said
"maybe we should live apart so we can deal with our
own problems and not each others. That way we can spend
our time together for us, (without the headaches), and
start over. About three days later she said she loved me
so much, and that it wasn't a good idea to live apart. I
told her that this could be what we needed, besides
everything we tried in the past didn't work and for some
reason I thought this would. It has been the biggest
mistake of my life.
Two months have gone by and the "starting
over" part has never happened. She told me that if
our relationship was important to me, we would be
together. I told her how I thought us not living together
might have helped , and if I knew it would lead to this I
never would have agreed. I love Tracy so much, and it's
killing me to think that our relationship may be over
without giving one last try. Being apart from her hasn't
been easy, but the idea of us never being together again
is killing me! I can't picture my life without her in it.
The thought of never touching her or making love to her
again is so painful. When I tell her I love her she says
it pushes her away and that I should give her space to
breath and that time will tell if we are meant to be. If
anybody has any advice for me on what I can do to
convince Tracy to give us a chance to try again, or how
to go on without her, I will forever be in your debt.
 From: someone
who cares
Hi Randy: Just read your letter, and I feel for you,
for the fact that I also went through the same problem. I
also let someone I loved so much get away because of the
saying "If you love someone, let them go, if it was
mean to be yours, they'll come back". Well, I let
someone go, but apparently, he enjoys his freedom now
since he doesn't wanna come back. Our son was 7 yrs old
then and I just couldn't go on fighting constantly with
his Dad, I thought being apart would give us the space we
needed. The thought here is that some people just prefer
having their freedom. I still miss him a lot and I,
myself (like you) have voiced out my feelings in terms of
getting back together, unfortunately, he prefers not to.
He has indicated that we have tried so many times to work
things out. I certainly feel sad for our son. He loves
his Daddy so much. I used to say that I wish I never have
let him go, but I guess it was meant to be this way.
All I can do now for the sake of my son is to pray a
lot for our lives to get better. I used to be so
depressed and always stressed out, but I have learned to
trust everything in our dear God. Lots of Luck to you for
your future.
From: Prism
Dear Randy, It appears you have 2 choices. (1) try
something "different", and on a consistent
basis, to win her heart again, or 2) concentrate on
self-healing. As far as (1) goes, have you been pleading,
wooing and showing her how depressed you are without her?
If you have, I would encourage you to try something fun
or humorous. Just surprise her with anything you can
think of but don't ask her to call you or to go out with
you...yet. Get her defenses down. Use your imagination
and keep it light and try to make her laugh and her heart
to feel light. Approaching it this way or any way you
choose, please keep in mind that it may not work. Whether
you try a "different" approach or not, please
work on healing yourself.
Should you opt to go to (2), on your own accord, or as
a result of her rejection (that's what it might end up as
and how you will feel) develop other interests or
hobbies, try something different for yourself. Go forward
on self-healing and development and you will win with who
you are with or without her. Should you not have her in
the end, you have protected and strengthened yourself.
You are you own best friend. You are the only person that
you can rely on to be there for yourself. Be all that you
can be and believe in your future!
From: Randy G.
Again, from the heart. I asked a question for all to
hear... "What have I done?" I asked this
question not knowing if anybody would. I didn't ask it to
a friend or a family member. I asked my question to
nobody, hoping somebody would hear. They not only heard.
They listened. When I found that "someone who
cares" not only understood what I had done, but then
took the time to send the most genuine, and loving words
of encouragement that could only have come after having
to ask the very same question. I know now that when a ray
of hope shines through a "Prism", I will see a
rainbow after this storm passes through. I thank you both
so very much.
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