Go with the flow

I ran across this in alt.recovery.codependency, and said "wow". I'm reposting it here, with the author's (Aveena) permission:

Tao in a nut shell is, "if a tree does not bend, it breaks" or "Go with the flow" It was suggested in the reading I am doing that if one cannot run nor fight, that one becomes like water and lets the slings and arrows of life pass through. THis concept is hard for me because I have in the past been a door mat. When I gained my self worth through 12-step I made a commitment to myself to never let anyone walk on me again. And, I think in doing this I was setting myself up for a life of battles and fighting.

We are told that we will go from one extreme to another until we find our balance. I have always thought that to stand up for oneself is the most important thing. to set strong boundries. But, I didn't know that this would mean constant battles. Battles are not what I really want my life to be. I'm tired of battles.

I am now struggling with, if I am water, letting the negative pass through me, what about my boundries? I have had an oppertunity to experience this lately in my own personal life over some issues surrounding some property we are purchasing. Let me tell you, I have discovered that there are things not under my control and that people invade boundries without even a thought. And I have been so angry at the violation and feelings of violation, (This land represented my safe place and suddenly it was not so safe),so strong that I have been consumed.

That is where Tao comes in. Since nothing was working, I decided to become water. I let all the negative things pass through me. As I did so, I found a peace coming over me. It was marvelous. Suddenly I understood what acceptence means. To accept the things I cannot change...... go with the flow........ bend so I don't break....... Tao is like 12-step. And, as I let it all pass through me I saw that I was becoming calm and at peace while the world around me seemed to get mor chaotic. Water is stronger than rock. You can cut rock, but not water. Think about it. no matter what happens to water, it survives. Ships sink, hurricances blow, but the water endures and is there when all else is gone.

I think I discovered for myself a very important lesson. That strength does not lie in the physical world. I was coming at things with my sheer physical presence. my thought was to make things happen, to rebuff every attack upon my world. to control my world. "Control" the reall issue. And the less control I had the more I fought to get it back, a viscious cycle.

Tao is not weakness. Most of the martial arts use this philosophy. Do no harm, use only as a defense, become one with the attacker, use his anger against him, step aside and let his anger be HIS undoing, his anger will be his undoing. Never, especially in Aikedo, does it say to attack, or fight, or anything like that. Simply step aside.

I was trying to "Make" everyone respect my space. I was going to do that or else. Thanks to this simple, non violent philosophy which taught me what acceptence really means, I think I have passed through my anger to another place more peaceful. It has been a long journey. I am greatful for finally getting the message. Pick my battles wisely. Save my actions for the really important ones. And bend so I don't break. I thank HP for his guidence. Aveena

From: Claudia

It amazes me over and over that when I open myself to hear God's word and seek to live by the spiritual rather than the material I am always met at my real place of need. Thanks for sharing this reading. It spoke loudly in my place of need.

From: Learning Patience

I have been constantly intrigued with the concept of not resisting evil -- one of the main teachings of Christ is to turn the other cheek -- He also says to "resist not evil". As I've tried to practice Christ's teachings in my life (hopefully without sacrificing boundaries or accepting any type of abuse) I envisioned this to mean when you don't resist evil you are literally giving it no "place" within yourself to "land" and fester into more evil -- revenge and all the other nasty things we can do to "even up the score"....thus, you are at peace. I have seen this work over and over and over again. Bernd, Water is wonderful imagery for this concept too because there is no place to "land" in water. I love this web site -- I've been reading the postings for about a month now and found it to be SO helpful and refreshing -- funny thing is that I was thinking about this concept when I awoke this morning. Oh, and water is also cleansing and healing!!!

From: Bernd

Maybe the saying "turn the other cheek" means turning around (the "other cheek!") and walking away, instead of getting into a battle where no one wins??? And to love our enemies as we love ourselves, if we stop beating ourselves up and battling with ourselves, we find more peace. If I use the same approach with my enemies, I find more peace too. Maybe that's the intent of that message.

One more quick thought: I find the water analogy really helps me too. The only time you can "break" water is when it hardens into ice. I helps me remember if I treat my "enemies" with coldness, I'm really giving them the power to "break" me.

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