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 Paranoid and Jealous - Lloyd
I have been in a relationship for five months now and
I am absolutely in love and my partner is absolutely in
love with me. The problem is that I am unable to deal
with him being around other females, especially his
ex-girlfriend. Whenever I see him talking to another
female, I get this panicky feeling in the pit of my
stomach and I get nervous and paranoid. He knows about
this and we've talked about it many times and he assures
me over and over that I have nothing to worry about and I
really do believe him. It's just hard to deal with it
when the actual situation arises. I've just recently
fully realized my problem and have been trying to work on
it but I am not getting too far yet. Do you have any
ideas or suggestions for becoming more emotionally stable
and better equipped to handle this? Thank you.
 From: Maythiswillbeananswer
Dear Paranoid and Jealous, Human being, you are not
alone. The relationship that you are having with your
boyfriend seems extremely similar to the one in which I
am presently involved. Only problem... this time, the
tables are reversed. I am the female who hangs out with
males, and he is the male who feels possessive. The whole
situation tears me up inside because I know that I am
hurting him. What would you like your boyfriend to do in
order to make you feel less jealous? Especially since the
words, "I love you!" don't seem to work. I
think that love makes you vulnerable to someone else, and
with vulnerability comes insecurity... especially when
you hardly know the person to whom you have become
vulnerable. If it helps you any, even though I have
mostly male friends, I feel just as vulnerable as my
boyfriend. I do not know what I would do if I were to
loose him. He can cause my heart to be filled with the
kinds of emotions which no one else can instil within me.
When I hang out with my ex-boyfriends or my male friends,
I do not hang out with them because I have emotions
towards them. I hang out with them because I feel more
comfortable with males, especially those who I know. If I
could find females with their personalities, I would be
extremely happy. Yet, I do not love my male friends. I
love him and only him. Even though there is going to be
insecurity within this relationship, I think that time
will prove that I would not hurt him. I regret that I
have been speaking so much about myself. I just thought
you might like to know what it is like for the situation
to be the other way around. In any way, good luck! I
think that through love, openness and communication, you
can make any relationship work!
P.S. I think that my constantly reassuring you that he
loves you, your boyfriend has drawn the line between you
and his male friends. Just think of them as human beings.
That's what we all are anyway.
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