Fears as Blessings - Claudia

I have been facing, although not truly realizing it, my fears for the past 8 1/2 years. The moment I came to awareness that I must do something about my abuse of alcohol or die I began to face fear. Of course, as time goes on I have discovered that it does become easier and easier to face each new experience but I must never forget or expect that the feelings of fear will go away just because I am becoming whole and healthy. Fear is, as Bernd has stated, a loving prod from my Higher Power. Without the emotion of fear, I would continue to push ahead in dysfunction. I had no fear when I was enmeshed in addiction, or at least when I did, I quickly inebriated the feeling. Fear meant that I was out of control and accepting that would have meant that I had to surrender the illusion of safety that was killing me.

I have so much more to learn on this journey. I can with all honesty say that I am an eager student. The pain of today's reality is nothing compared to the misery and death from yesterday's lie. I am blessed with an insightful counsellor who knows love and a wonderful SO that seeks not only his own, but my spiritual wholeness. I am learning how to love and be loved and it is wonderful. The surrender that I feared the most has opened the door to my soul. I face today with anticipation and apprehension but am not paralyzed by my fear. FEAR (False Evidence Appearing Real) Today I choose to look for the evidence of truth and the love that is shared on this website help me on the way.

Thank you. I love you all so very much.

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