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 Now what? - Dean
The lunch we had together was really great.....got to
air some of our feelings of the past and finally look
each other in the eyes with truth. Well, I spoke with her
on the phone the following day.......she told me after
our lunch, she was wondering if we could see each other
some. I said that would be good, but we would talk more
about this later since I was on my mobile phone. I
haven't heard from her since that conversation and I have
considered calling her to talk more......but am scared.
Mainly because of her two daughters.....I know they will
give her grief for talking to me as they have thought it
was all over for good. And it may be all over for good,
but we can still talk, right?
Her girls have a bad reflection of me due to their
mother talking about things involving us around
them......this keep them at a distance from me in the
past. Fortunately, we talked about this as we had lunch
together. I told her that her girls was as much a part of
me as she was.....and I expressed my hurt when they were
all gone. Anyway, I don't know if I should contact her or
not. I am trying to give her all the freedom she needs,
so I thought it might be a bad idea for me to
call.......letting her make the first move. By the way, I
told her I was tired of the dance we had been doing in
the past and I needed an honest relationship.....without
all the dances involved. What do you think? ......maybe I
should sit tight and wait until she is ready to make the
call, or should I make a call?
 From: Joe
If your as impatient as me, you have to do SOMETHING.
It's a very bad idea and often very risky to initiate
calls when your suppose to be giving people space. If you
can hold out do so. But if it's eating you alive, try
writing a note and putting it on her car just basically
to check in and to let her know your supporting her and
that your awaiting her move(just in case she's waiting on
you).
From: Dean
That is exactly what my dilemma is Joe.....is she
waiting for me to move? I can hold out as I am wanting to
give her the space and time needed......I just don't know
If she is waiting for me to respond.
From: Bernd
If her daughters have crystal balls that work, please
ask them to send me one! (“they have thought it was
all over for good”). Trying to figure out what she
wants, without asking her, is trying to mind read. If you
really want to do this, find a good fortune teller, cause
I don’t know of any “regular” human who
can do this.:)
If you have faith that every loving thing you do for
yourself is the best thing you can do for her, then you
know whose “mind” you need to read. Find out
what feels right and loving for you, and let her have
whatever reaction she chooses - including even
interpreting your choice as a game. If you don’t let
her have her own viewpoint, even when you don’t
agree with it, will things ever really change? All you
can do is get the best reading you can on what feels
right for YOU, give each choice your best shot. If you
make a mistake doing so, find out what part of the inner
whispers you misunderstood, and make amends to yourself
and her. That process will help you grow and heal. If you
find out your choice was right on, then you’ve
gained as well - you’ve reinforced your trust in
your inner voice. Does this sound like a win/win? It is.
Do you want your partner to try and read your mind,
and do things based on how she think you’ll react?
Or make her choices based on what feels truly loving for
her? Your example will continue to speak louder than any
words you could say. My guess is you already sorta knew
the answer before you posted, but I know that each little
and large leap of faith is scary. I guess that’s why
all of us are here - to help remind each other that our
inner voices CAN be trusted, and that they’ll guide
us exactly where we need to go. I look for that
reassurance here too. You take care guy. My hunch is
you’re doing a lot better than you realize.
From: Joe
I'm in a similar boat as you are. The only difference
is that I know I'm suppose to wait for her. Being as
impatient as I am, I'm having an awful time dealing in
the mean time. I think if you have no clue who is suppose
to make the first move, you should so something to at
least clarify the situation. If you do decide to call,
make sure you don't force the conversation you want, just
try to see if she's taking time for herself or whether
she's waiting on you. And if your afraid to call, do
something less direct, like a letter in the mail or
something.
From: wolfie
Hi Dean, We cannot play guessing games - that is what
leads us to heartache, confusion, and miscommunication. I
believe that COMMUNICATION is key. You would like to call
her, so ........ Didn't she say that she would like to
get together.......she didn't say - leave me alone, I
need space. She said to you at lunch that she would like
to get together. What is your truth Tom? It sounds to me
that you would like to get together also and to call
her......so, be true to yourself, listen to yourself and
give her a call. Of course, it is not up to me to tell
ANYONE what to do - it is up to each person's higher self
- I am just repeating back to you what I hear you saying
you would like to do. I am a firm believer in asking self
what self wants and needs (it is being true to oneself)
and then taking action. Guessing games do not work -
honest communication does!!!
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