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 A younger woman - St. Stephen
with a rose
I have been seeing a younger woman. She is 18 and I am
24. I have never dated anyone younger. Its usually
someone my age or older. Everything seems to be going
good. We are very attracted to each other both physically
and mentally. She is also very mature. But I keep
thinking "man... she is so young". Also I am
wandering if it is normal to be attracted to some one so
young, and like them so much? Open to any comments,
advise.
 From: steve02
Steve: You are not alone in dating a younger female.
I'm 27, my g/f is 20 (although I met her when she just
turned 18 and 2 months just fresh out of high school!).
PLUS, we do the long distance thing (she's in UT, I'm in
CA). We've been dating for about 24 months right now. If
you read my postings here, you'll see that I have
problems. Not sure if they are related an age gap, but
the age gap can't be ruled out either. I think that young
girls (young people for that fact) like to explore. I
remember when I was 18,19 & 20. Explore and more. I
sometimes feel that I have tied this girl down for the
past 2 years (and 2 very exploring years in our younger
years I might add). Advice? I wouldn't throw your
relationship into high gear as I did. I only did that due
to the fact that I only saw her about 1-3 times a month
and had much catching up to do (or at least I thought I
did?). She's young and I'm sure she's curious.
My G/F is overly curious now and our relationship just
isn't going well now. When I first meet her, she was a
shy, innocent, secluded, yet mature girl. Now, now that
she's poking her head out the door and seeing what all
the commotion is - she's becoming curious. Now, she wants
to go out and party, hang out w/new found friends (which
isn't bad at all though) and just do stuff that I though
she'd NEVER do. It disturbs me due to the fact that I'm
used to having the shy, innocent, secluded girl around.
So, not sure if that's advice, but it's something to keep
you eyes open upon (just a thought). I'd also say - if
she comes to you one day and asks for space, she's not
saying "smoother me", but she's really asking
for space (unlike the way that I took my g/f's message at
the time). Keep your head up, treat her like a queen and
be open, honest and COMMUNICATE always. Let us know more
in the future of your relationship.
From: Bernd
The age difference feels okay with me. Any age gap
that you’re both comfortable with, in my opinion, is
just another “difference” that provides
opportunities for both of you to learn from each other.
Just a few notes of caution, however. As much as she
might “seem” mature, she’s still 18. Many
of us like to “act” older than we are, as a way
of getting more acceptance. Allowing her to BE an adult
teenager is a greater gift to her, than telling her
she’s “mature” (my opinion). She’s
just stepped thru the threshold of what we consider
becoming an adult, and my believe is what she needs most
is to be able to explore this stage of her life in
it’s natural time flow. Can you be comfortable with
her acting like an 18 year old, hanging onto her
childhood one moment, and exploring her adulthood the
next? If you can, I suspect you’ll discover how to
get more in contact with the child in yourself, which can
be a great gift to yourself, and her.
Also, be aware that it is VERY easy to take on the
role of the leader in the relationship. There’s an
in-built power imbalance because of your age differences.
I believe you’ll find you get a better relationship
when you stay aware of this, and encourage healthy
equality. For example, if she asks you what she should do
in a particular situation, instead of advising her,
encourage her to give the situation her best guess, and
tell her that there are no mistakes, only learning
experiences. Hug her and tell her whatever she decides is
fine with you, no matter what. These are just suggestions
and guesses. I hope something I said is helpful.
From: Josie
I don't know what the fuss is all about!! 6 years is
not a great big age difference! Girls mature earlier
anyway, so I reckon that a 24 year old guy with an 18
year old girl is just about right. The 18 year old boys
that I know are much less adult (in general) than the
girls I know of about the same age. My daughter is 16 and
her boyfriend is nearly 20 but maturity wise they are
very much on a par and have a great relationship. I'd say
go for it and good luck!!
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