We talked today - Dean

Hi guys! I called my SO today at the urging of my therapist that we call a real "truce". I ask if she would be willing to take part in a real truce and she agreed. We chatted for a while and then she told me she had been stressed out over the weekend. I asked "why?" and she responded that she had ended the other relationship, along with some other things going on in her life. I was happy to hear this, but I knew that this didn't mean anything for "us". We continued to talk and it was very comfrontable....and I mentioned how nice it was to be able to "talk" without getting upset. I listened to her!...and she acknowledged that before we hung-up....that she appreciated me listening to her. I had sent her daughter a card for her birthday last week ( after getting the ok from my ex-SO) and she told me she loved it. She told me that her daughter threw away all her cards after her birthday except two......the one I sent and the one her mother gave her. My ex-SO said " I don't know if there is a hidden message here or not". I just responded that no one knows but her. I know her daughter would like to see "us" together as she even made a comment to me in private that " you are going to be my stepdad".

Well, I can't tell you how that warmed my ears when she told me this:) Anyway, I know I can't rely on what her daughter says. We talked some more and I told my ex-SO I knew where things were as she had made it very clear last week....that there is nothing there. She responded "yes". Needless to say, that put a lump in my throat, but I went on without any signs of being hurt. She did tell me she was reading a book on relationships and this made me feel good that she was starting her process. I was delited to hear this as she had told me in the past that I was reading too much on this ! Anyway, I an starting to ramble on. Guess I just wanted to vent here for a minute......Thanks!

From: Dean

Hi guys.... I just have to tell you that I just finished the book " Getting the love you want", and I was so amazed at what I was reading! I got so intrigued with the book that I could not put it down and even read while I was driving! This book opened up so many unanswered questions that I was looking for. I even brought it up with my therapist and she was shocked that I had read this book so early into therapy. She asked how I came about this book and I had to tell her.....that my ex-SO told me she was reading it, so I decided to add it to my list. She was stunned somewhat. I had to call my ex-SO after I finished to discuss the book ( which she has not finished reading) and we hit it off really well. Maybe it is understanding that it is not "us" that has caused a lot of the problems, but more "where we are from" that caused it. Unlearning "old" behaviors that are not good for a realtionship...and working on them consciously. I can't believe how the weight seem to lift off my shoulders as I read this book. We even had a good heart to heart talk about what has happened in the pass....without any arguing! I won't say that this will get us back together, but at least we are both learning and understanding what really went on in our long term relationship! We were both very upbeat during our dicussion of this book and saw a lot of what went on in our relationship that mirrored what the book was saying. I can finally say, that I am happy for finding such a remarkable book and look forward to the future in a more understanding and non-defensive way of interacting with a SO! It is almost like I have seen the light!! Well, I won't bore you anymore with this, but just had to let you know my thoughts! Thanks again for being here when I needed you guys!

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