 Emotional Abuse - Gold Church
While growing up as a child, many times I was exposed
to a cruel practical joke. Most of these were by women,
but there were a few by men. Yet, somehow, the ones done
by women seemed to be the most cruel, humiliating, and
dehumanizing came from women. They would quite often
pretend to be interested in having a serious and sexual
relationship with me. Then they'd set me up.
One of these jokes got me beat up by a bunch of men.
In one other, a group of women stood around men and cut
me down for a half hour. When I tried to get away, they'd
trip me and kick me a few times until I got up. This
happened for about a half of an hour until I broke down
and cried. Then they let me go. When I was trying to get
out of the area, a man threatened to slit my throat if I
didn't shut up (stop crying) and when I couldn't, he
chased me for about fifteen minutes until I was able to
lose him. A couple of days later, he got a few of his
friends and beat me up simply because I cried. By their
point of view, only women cried. So they thought I was
faggot because I cried.
Now I do my best to never cry in public. I don't go
after relationships anymore because I know there isn't
any young lady who will be interested in me in that
particular way, but maybe just as a friend. Now, if a
young lady were to tell me that she loved me, I wouldn't
believe her and be highly suspicious of her true motives.
Simply because of too many women that used those words,
and a few other similar phrases, to set me up.
While I am a few good friendships with women, I now
know ( and believe strongly) that I can never be in a
serious or sexual relationship with one. I am not a
homosexual. I see many many attractive women around here.
I just can't believe that they would be interested in me.
 From: Diane
The ³practical jokes² you endured as a child were
not jokes, they were physical and mental abuse,
punishable by law. If you know the names and locations of
the people that beat you up, I would suggest getting a
lawyer and checking out the statute of limitations on
that sort of crime.
The abuse you endured as a child seems to be affecting
you deeply as an adult. The first thing (and hardest
thing) to realize is, YOU ARE NOT AT FAULT. You are not a
bad person, and did nothing to deserve that. I would
suggest talking to a professional to help you deal with
the shame, anger and humiliation, that may give you some
feeling of control over your own life, which in turn will
slowly start to heal your self-esteem. The self-doubt you
express over meeting a woman is a direct cause of damaged
self-esteem, it has nothing to do with the ³real you²
hidden deeply inside.
You mentioned that you have had some close friendships
with women in the past. Did you know that is the
strongest thread in holding an intimate relationship
together? So to think that you donıt have what it takes
is just...silly! You may have better and more tools for
strong relationships than you give yourself credit for.
Take care and keep reading this forum. It full of
valuable information that 99% of the time feels solid and
truthful to me. Perhaps it will set parts of you free as
well.
From: Cindi
I am sorry for the treatment you have received. I am
also sorry that it is a sign of weakness if a man cries.
We are all human beings and we have been given a wide
range of emotions and none of them are bad or good, they
just are. There are a lot of good people in this world
and we cannot let the few bad ones, change our
perceptions of who we are. We are all miracles, from the
moment we are born.
We can only learn to love others when we have learned
to love ourselves. Sounds so simple, but it can be so
hard, if we are our own worst enemy. Be good to yourself
and care about yourself, those are the greatest gifts we
will ever receive. Emotional abuse is just as terrible as
physical abuse, but the scars don't show on the outside.
We can recover and we can love and be loved.
From: Bernd
Just a few questions...can you tell me how old you are
right now? Also, were your parents any help at all while
this abuse was going on, and where are they today, and
what is your relationship with them like? Hope these
aren't too personal..I'm trying to get a better handle on
the support or lack of it you received within the family.
Hang in there guy.
From: Arthur
you poor man! the abuse you had was a terrible,
humiliating thing to happen to you. no wonder you feel so
weary of getting in a relationship but, the best way to
have a successful one is by being good friends with a
person. you already saying that some of your best friends
are women, well friend there is your answer. friendship
is the best base to form a lasting, caring relationship.
the people that attacked you were sad, worthless
monsters. if it makes you feel any better I also had
quite a bit of abuse as a child because it took ages for
me to learn how to read even the teachers made fun of me.
years later I found out I was dyslexic.but I still feel
the sting and the humiliation. there are some wonderful
women out there my friend they are not all the same, just
the same as men. Take care.
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