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 Finding it hard to leave - Ms
secret
My fiancee and I have been together for over 3 years.
A year ago he left home to live in another country, he
spent eleven months there. Since he returned we've been
having nothing but fights and endless breaking up and
mending.I really want to break up with him but I'm
scared. I mean, he thinks we can make it and we`re
supposed to be mending things and working on putting
things back on track. You see, I'm not really making an
effort, I just don't feel the same way about him like I
did before. I still care about him very much, so I don't
want to hurt him . He is so convinced that it can really
work and he's trying really hard. Please, please give me
some kind of opinion. I am really out of solutions now.
 From: Bernd
It sounds like you want to find a way where he'll
ACCEPT that you don't want to continue the relationship,
and let you go. If you are afraid that he might pursue
you, or become physically abusive in order to
"keep" you, then definitely find someone (a
therapist, or a woman's shelter) to help you deal with
this. If you don't have such a concern, then you may have
to face the fact that it's HIS problem if he doesn't want
to accept your wishes.
You can only try to help someone understand; you don't
have the power to do anymore than that. If you want to
leave, then leave. Do it when it feels best for you, and
put your own well-being and needs #1. You don't
"owe" him anything. If you treat him with
common sense kindness and respect, then you'll be able to
leave with the least amount of regrets. If you're not
sure what the "best ways" are to handle things,
just accept that there's no perfect way, and that you can
only do your best. It's all any human can do. Be easy on
yourself, and remember too, that if there's any loose
ends that later you had wished you dealt with, there's
always a solution to every problem, if we're easy enough
on ourselves to let ourselves find it.
You don't need a "rational reason", and you
don't need to justify your choices to him, or anyone. If
it feels right, then it's the best thing for you at this
moment. Trust your feelings, and try to let go of those
"what if's". They can weigh you down.
Good luck.
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