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Unconditional Love -
robert
A post that mzet just left brought up a topic that I
have been struggling recently. That is the term
"Unconditional Love." In a previous post, I
explained a part of my journey and shared an affirmation
that I had created. In that affirmation, I referred to
loving and being loved unconditionally. I have been
thinking about that a lot. I have also been talking with
several special friends and I think I have changed my
views on is a little.
There is only one person that can love another
unconditionally. That is God / the Goddess / our Higher
Power. They are the only people that can love us no
matter what we do to them. Anyone else, myself included,
must have conditional love in order to be healthy and to
love ourselves. If I love another unconditionally, then I
am saying to them that they may do whatever they want to
me and I will accept it and still love them. I don't
think that is realistic. If I am in a relationship with a
physically or emotionally or verbally abusive person and
unconditionally love them, them I am saying that it is ok
for them to continue to abuse me. And by doing so, I am
placing myself in a place where I do not want to be.... a
place where I lose the love I have for the most important
person in my life... myself. Just a few thoughts about
where I am in my life right now.
 From: Bernd
Ya know I hadta say my 2 bits here.:) For me, a loving
choice is one that enhances my spiritual, physical, and
emotional well-being. Treating another person with love
is part of this. If I hurt another person, I hurt myself.
And vice versa. If I allow another person to hurt me, I'm
co-operating in helping them hurt themselves. In the face
of abuse, making a loving choice means making a choice
that minimizes, or eliminates, the hurt that they do to
me. If I DO allow them to hurt me, finding ways of
transforming that hurt into growth and healing for me is
my way of making amends to myself, and turning shit into
strawberries.
If I can't stop a person from abusing me at a
particular moment (for ex., someone punches me out of the
blue), then loving myself - and loving them (in the
spirit of "love your enemies") - means reaching
out for help to transform that hurt into something which
HELPS me. Maybe I had warning bells, and didn't trust
them. Maybe some martial arts training would give me
skills to protect myself better next time. What I've
found is that - unless I'm able to turn swords into
plowshares in such situations - it becomes very difficult
for me to let go of the anger and resentment I feel. That
clouds me inside, and I'm even LESS able to take care of
myself in loving ways. If someone throws a pile of shit
at me and I find a diamond inside, how long will it take
before they clue in that THEY'RE making me richer by
flinging dung at me?
I get moments of unconditional love from Lynda and
others every day. I believe it's very attainable by us
humans. Moments of conditional love weave in and out of
those al the time. God is the only one that can sustain
it 100% of the time, but I believe it's essential that we
as humans have both, as long as there's on person in the
world who suffers needlessly. Having conditional love as
part of my being helps me recognize it when others are
trying to "love" me with hidden conditions. It
helps me stay out of those traps, because conditional
love doesn't enhance me - it tears me down. Not accepting
"conditional" love is a loving thing I can do
for myself. It's also the most loving thing I can do for
the person that's trying to give it. Those are my
thoughts.
From: mzet
Here's my take on the topic: You are right about your
assumption that only God can love unconditionally. But my
own personal experience is that when we are fully
connected with God by loving God and being aware of God's
love, we can in fact love others unconditionally. This
does not happen all the time. Both forms of love are
present in us to some degree, and this changes all the
time, I think depending on how spiritually advanced we
are and depending on the level of peace and strength that
God grants us, because this is, after all, a gift.
I'm not an expert on the psychology of abusive
relationships, but I believe that in cases of physical
abuse, someone who is with God 100% and who loves
unconditionally will get out of the relationship
immediately. Most people who do stay in physically
abusive situations, risking their lives, are not loving
unconditionally but are reacting to their own incapacity
to love themselves, which, as I have said somewhere else,
must go hand in hand with loving God and others.
In any event, most conditions that we do put on a love
relationship are usually not those extreme types, but
have much more to do with a quid pro quo approach: I'll
be nice to you only if you give me sex, or I'll give you
sex if you let me do this, etc. I think when that
happens, when love is conditional, we start on the
slippery slope of bringing the relationship to an end or
at least a crisis. Love is gift. Gifts are given without
expecting a gift back, or they are not gifts but bribery.
My guess anyway.
From: Claudia
Hi Robert, I believe you are right in saying that only
God can love unconditionally 100% of the time. We are
however created in His image and are sought for
relationship with Him. I think that Bernd and Mzet are
saying to you what is true in my experience also. It is
the Spirit of the Higher Power within me that allows this
human being to offer unconditional love. It certainly
does not mean allowing any kind of behavior into my
world. To do so would be to not love myself as a person
worthy of that same type of Godlike love. I guess if I
were to say it another way it reminds me of the saying,
"hate the sin but love the sinner." In doing
this I am able to set boundaries that are loving both for
myself and the other. It is indeed a difficult concept
and as humans I see that we are all incapable of doing it
perfectly 100% of the time but, as said by Mzet, the more
connected I am with my God within me, the more I give and
receive unconditional love. As always, these are my
thoughts. I pray that something within these words speaks
to your soul.
From: Robert
So, maybe what I am looking for is a conditional
unconditional love?
From: Susan
Ya'll are makin' me dizzy - all this runnin' around in
circles !!!!! Here, try this: Unconditional love, with
conditional acceptance. Love your "enemy"
unconditionally, but place conditions on the type of
behavior you will accept..... is this closer to what
ya'll are talkin' about????
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