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 To Bernd To PD To all - wolfie
Bernd, I agree with you that most relationships can be
healed and transformed when we focus on our own
individual growth and what this relationship is teaching
me. I agree with all that you share. But I also feel
sometimes that not all two people are meant to stay
together. For me personally, I needed to go thru MANY
relationships before I was ready to be with my soulmate -
my present partner. I feel that we all, on some level,
yearn for that soulmate connection. You see, I feel that
prior to coming into this lifetime, we make certain
agreements with people and we make agreements that we
will connect and help each other grow. When I met my
present partner, I felt that I had known him forever -
and I knew I was meant to be with him (if you have read
anything about soulmates or twinflames - I felt he was my
twin) Who knows?? But I knew I was meant to be with him
and your web page has helped me immensely - hang in
there. But I had to go thru many relationships first to
prepare myself. And sometimes we need to do all of these
things so we CAN see our patterns, etc.
I mean, for me, I needed all of the experiences I had
for it helps me today recognize certain patterns in
myself when they come up - and I can use that knowledge
in the present. Sometimes two people stay together for
the children, or for fear of being alone, or for fear of
hurting another, or of fear of losing our "security,
but staying under those circumstances - isn't that going
in the way of fear instead of love? When we place others'
needs before our own, isn't that acting in fear not love?
I mean if we do it because we really want to do it and
our heart is in it, then that is love - but if we are
doing things based out of guilt or feelings of "I
should" or etc., isn't that going in the way of fear
not love? For you and Lynda, it is the loving choice to
stay together but sometimes the loving choice is to walk
away. And it may be as simple as a yearning........no?
And yet I do agree with you wholeheartedly that sometimes
we think, this isn't it and we think that someone else
can make us happy - and as you know, and I agree, that
this is a lie - for no one can make us happy but us. BUT
- sometimes you know - I feel we think too much ( know I
do) - and sometimes our heart is just urging us
onward.......because it is just meant to be that way. (we
are meant to have these experiences.......). I don't
really know of course - these are just ramblings. What do
you think?
 From: Bernd
Wolfie, here's the paradox I see. To be able to
"understand" the whispers that my inner voice
is sending me requires a commitment to healing, and
learning how to love myself and others with genuine love.
For me to "know" (or get close to it) that the
deep down feeling I have is really one of a soulmate, my
belief is that I need a TON of recovery in addition to
what I have now. If my guesses about many of my other gut
feelings are off the mark, what makes me think I've got
"this one" bang on the mark?
That doesn't mean I can't "act as if". If my
best guess is Lynda IS my soulmate, as long as I remind
myself that my understanding of my inner voice is far
from perfect, I keep myself open to other possibilities.
What if the real truth, for example, is that the strong
feelings I'm getting come from believing in MY
loveability at a depth I never did before (triggered by
my partner's or new lover's acceptance and validation of
me?) As long as I hold fast to a "truth" I see,
I'll never discover the truth I'm really being led to.
To me, the real paradox is - if we are all connected
and "one", we are all soulmates with each
other. You and I - if we choose to do so - can have as
much love as we seek in our relationship. God does not
limit any of us to a certain amount of love until we find
our soulmate. If I allow myself to be guided by my inner
voice instead of old cherished beliefs and fear, the
amount of love possible in any relationship is limitless.
It is MY capacity to accept and give love that limits the
amount of love I have in my life.
My relationship with Lynda is special no matter what
spin I put on it, no matter whether I believe we are
soulmates of not. We have an intimate shared history,
fertile soil on which to build. We have children, who
help remind us that God builds natural bridges and bonds
in our lives. We have a wealth of shared memories to draw
on.
The words that keep popping into my head in the
soulmate discussions is "until I discover the
soulmate connection with myself, I will remain blind to
my true soulmate connections to others". I'm just
beginning to explore my soulmates inside. I believe that
is where I'll find all the answers I will ever need to
know in this lifetime. Those are my guesses.
P.S. God gives us what we need, when we need it. But
understanding why, and seeing gifts and accepting them
even when they are wrapped in barbed wire, describes much
of the struggles I have on my recovery journey. God gives
me understanding when I'm ready, and if I attempt to
short-circuit that process, I fall over cliffs again and
again.
From: wolfie
Hi Bernd, I am not disagreeing with anything you are
saying. What I am saying is that sometimes we need to
remove ourselves from a situation that is no longer
conducive or helpful to our growth. You see, I am very
hard on myself and there was a time when I was working at
a job that I really hated - it was depressing being there
- but I forced myself to stay and to figure out what it
was I was trying to learning etc., because I am always
doing that. Now one day, I talked to my sister and she
gave me some very practical advice. Simple really. She
said - if you don't like it, leave. In other words,
create a new reality. I did leave and I have been in this
job ever since. I remember getting a big AH HA that day.
I remember thinking that I sure do create struggle and
difficulty for myself (it is a deep seeded belief - that
life is a struggle) and so I create struggle and pain for
myself when actually, the answer could be quite simple.
See, I have been "working" on myself for quite
some time and sometimes I get so caught up in what I am
trying to learn - and I've got to force myself to do this
and be this and learn this - when the answer could be
quite simple - but I make it difficult because of the
deep seeded belief that I need to struggle. So I was so
happy that I left that job. For me, I just needed a new
environment. Simple. You see, I am not perfect and
sometimes I need external help - in other words - I like
to hang with people who are positive and who support my
growth - I have a choice as to who I want to hang around
with. Personally, I do not watch the news - to me, it is
very depressing and it shows all the things
"wrong" with the world instead of all the
miracles that are happening daily. So I have that choice
not to watch it. It supports me to not watch it. I have
that choice what I want to allow in and what I choose not
to. I have that choice to create the reality in which I
choose to live.
Which brings me to another story. The Ugly Duckling.
This duck thought it was so ugly - it was born into a
family that hated it and she looked so different that
everyone made fun of it. It was given lots of torture and
it suffered. It had to run away to save its life. Many
years went by - one day the little duck came across some
beautiful swans - and the swans just welcomed her and for
the first time in her life, she felt home. In fact, they
looked JUST LIKE HER. She realized that she wasn't ugly
after all - she was actually a swan. a beautiful swan who
finally felt at home with like minds. Her self esteem
flourished. I bet you that if she saw those ducks today
and they made fun of her, it wouldn't phase her because
she finally knew inside that she was beautiful. Having
those swans into her life helped but isn't that the
beauty of having loving and supportive people in our
lives.
I do believe we create our reality - I do believe in
the mirror factor - that we create situations based on
our beliefs about self. I believe in what you write
about. But sometimes I feel it is for our highest good to
walk away from certain situations or environments that
don't support us. Sometimes we stay when we need to leave
and sometimes we leave when we need to stay. We just need
to listen to our higher self. Just some ramblings. This
isn't a struggle with you Bernd, it is one with myself.
From: Bernd
What you said rang echoes inside of me. I left 2
different support groups, and a few therapists, because I
realized that I alone held the responsibility of choosing
which people and sources supported my growth and healing
most. I made those choices after a lot of struggle and
confusion inside.
I look for a few things when I "leave" in
such ways. First, am I leaving because I'm
"running" or "walking"? Second, am I
ready to accept that I can't handle the situation because
MY healing isn't enough yet? (that keeps me from
"blaming", which is a trap for me). Third, does
the other person want a relationship with me, but is
being tripped up in their own struggles? Fourth, if they
do want to continue a relationship with me, are they
willing to go thru the pain that my recovery will keep
triggering in them?
Those help keep me honest with myself. (I used the
word "help", not guarantee). When I left Lynda
for a few months, I struggled with #1 and #2 for months.
It was only when I accepted that *I* was unable to cope
with our relationship at the stage, because of all my own
problems trying to find guidance inside, that I finally
got enough calm to leave. And in leaving, I knew that
what I needed to search for most while away was a clearer
pipeline to my inner voice.
It was very tempting when we got back together to look
for a partner that I'd have less struggles with. Lord
knows, there were PLENTY of men and women each of us
could have found that had MUCH less problems than each of
us did. I know it's sooo hard many times to tell the
difference between a "healthy" leaving, and an
unhealthy one. For instance, contrast the Ugly Duckling
with another fairy tale, Beauty and the Beast. In that
story, a girl who seemed to be mistreated in so many ways
by a man who resembled a beast still treated him with
kindness and caring. She was able to reach him in a deep
enough way so that a miracle occurred, and he became a
prince.
To me, the truths in both fairy tales are true, even
tho they are seemingly opposite. One of the difference is
that swans have the power to fly in the directions they
choose, while ducklings don't - because they are still
children. If I allow Lynda to control my emotions and
choices, then it's my cooperation that keeps the status
quo going - including my happiness. If I begin treating
myself with more love, and claim back my power over my
own choices, whatever Lynda does from there are her own
choices. It may be the my recovery is the best chance she
has of finding her own. If I leave before my example has
a chance to trigger that in her, we both lose out -
because our history together gives us both sooooo much to
work with. If she had chosen to wall herself off even
more, my guess is that - at some point - SHE would have
found living with me intolerable, and left. And if she
had tried harder and harder to regain control over me, at
some point I believe my inner voice would have kicked in
and said "it's time to walk". Leaving in such a
case would be the most loving thing I could do for her.
It's a maze my mind has a hard time finding words to.
The reading I get is that one of the key differences in
choices of leaving or staying comes from the willingness
to accept WHATEVER guidance comes from inside. If that
guidance is gently pushing me in a direction that
terrifies me, that is where I must go. I think one of the
most common traps I've gotten into is searching so
eagerly for peace, serenity, love, joy, and happiness,
that when the path to it has the roadsign "struggle
and pain", I try everything I can to delude myself
that I'm wearing the wrong glasses. When I embrace and
welcome struggle and pain when I'm being led to it
inside, everything I want - including the serenity - will
be there on the other side. I have a deep faith in that,
built by my experiences in taking just those kinds of
paths.
I'm getting alarm bells in PD's situation. I don't
know exactly why yet, but I do know from Lynda's and my
relationship that LETTING Lynda have her pain and
struggle without trying to ease it has been the best gift
I could give her many times. When our thoughts are out of
tune with the real messages our emotions and soul are
trying to give us, we have discord. Like strings on a
lute. When our understanding and thoughts are in tune
with our emotions and soul, we have harmony - and it
sings sweetly. As long as there's a little alarm bell
ringing in my head somewhere over a choice I make, I know
I'm in danger of burning myself still.
We're both searching for answers that make sense to
us, and others. I have to keep reminding myself that my
experiences are only a tiny slice of life, and that I'm
really just in an ongoing guessing game! The closer my
guesses get to the truth, the better my life gets.
The neat thing about the dialogue that we're having is
that your viewpoints and experiences give me gifts I
can't get on my own. When Lynda and I talk about
something, what we see different helps each of us as much
as what we see the same. Whatever the truths are, I want
to get closer to them. I want my life to get better. I
want to believe in fairy tales again.:)
From: wolfie
Dearest Bernd, Thank you for your honesty and for your
wisdom!!!! The truth is, I've been in a bad funk! I've
asked myself that question many times - is it the loving
choice to leave or to stay. I feel bad for my partner
because he never knows from one day to the next, how I
feel - I'm all over the place and to be honest, feel as
if I'm losing my mind!! I have never been so challenged
in all of my life!! Every issue I could possibly have
about myself, has come up in this relationship - (oh yes
he has his own issues also) We both probably feel like
we've been to hell and ..... I was going to say back but
we're not there yet. He is such a wonderful soul and to
be honest - I don't quite feel deserving of it. I'm burnt
out. And yes, I feel I'm losing my mind. I don't know.
I'm so very tired. Thanks for listening and thanks for
your wisdom!!!!!!!
From: Bernd
We pray to God to hurry up and heal us, and he answers
our prayers! And that's WHEN we start pulling our hair
out.:) Be easy on yourself. We're all watching God's work
in progress in you, and personally, I like what I see a
lot.
From: Anne
What wonderful words of life Wolfie and Bernd have
written!! You are helping me so much in my struggle just
to understand what I'm dealing with. My problem again is
with the family unit. I am a big fan of Dr. James Dobson
of Focus on the Family (as is my husband) and my love for
my family far exceeds my selfish desires to have a
soulmate spouse yet I don't know if I can continue living
with the emptiness of the relationship that I am in
forever!My husband has a good heart and has experienced a
lot of pain in his life that has caused him to behave
towards me in a negative way. He is improving, yet I
don't feel any thing more for him as a result. And it
would be very difficult for me to be yet another
"deserter" in his life. Again, this is my
struggle...hurt 3 people to seek my own happiness? I
can't, yet I'm so thirsty!
From: Bernd
Anne, I'm curious. Have you ever sat down with anyone
(your husband or a trusted friend), and said something
like this "I want everything out of life that God
offers me, and I want to share that journey with my
husband. Can you help me discover love there that I never
imagined existed before?" Your husband is probably
as unfulfilled as you are, and maybe both of you are
afraid of bringing up your true feelings because you are
afraid the other will blame it on themselves, and be hurt
tremendously?
We suffer in silence, and it's that silence that keeps
us in suffering. Low risk is high risk. I don't think
your two seemingly opposite possible paths are opposite
at all. Maybe your relationship with your husband has the
roots firmly in place, but no blossoms yet? If so, God
wants your help in answering your prayers. How? Maybe by
first recognizing that you both have gone as far as you
can with the road maps you were GIVEN. Maybe the next
steps are something you can find only by reaching out to
those that have traveled that road before you, and are
more than willing to guide you towards the greater love
and happiness that you both deserve.
Think for a second what heaven on earth would be in
YOUR lifetime. Would a husband that you're passionately
in love with for the rest of your life - and he with you,
and children that have sparkles in their eyes everytime
they visit you with their grandkids - because there is so
much MAGIC in your home - come close? I think it's
attainable Anne, in the very relationship you're in right
now with your husband. I have an unshakable faith that it
is. It will require leaps of faith that will scare you to
your core at times, but to discover our wings, as some
point or another we have to let go of the safety of the
ground beneath our feet.
If you begin such a search, both you and your husband
will want to quit many times, because of the fear of the
unknown, and fear of failure. And sometimes you'll find
yourself leading, and him holding back for what seems
like an eternity. Those times are the time when your
faith in God will be shaken to the core. But from our own
experiences, miracles COME from such times, when we think
all of our efforts have been in vain.
If we are willing to believe these kinds of miracles
are within your power to find, and accept from God, then
I'd start you off with a few simple suggestions. Make a
commitment to your happiness, and finding the type of
powerful passionate love that hurts no one, and that you
deserve. Search for every resource you can find that
holds the chance of helping you in that search. There are
marriage encounter weekends that most churches have
information on, that are very helpful. Instead of telling
your husband that there's something "wrong"
with your marriage, let him know that you want to learn
to love better, that you are no longer satisfied in
settling for anything less than a wild passionate romance
with him. This is what YOU want (and I suspect what he
wants deep inside). Ask him for his help, to help YOU
find that, not to change "him".
Much of your search won't require any effort from him.
Your search will likely bring you to some important
insights about yourself, and how the rocks other people
placed on your back earlier in your life have been
weighing you down. Your search for love will not only
help you nurture the "blossoms" you want to
see, with sunshine and rain (tears), but it will also
help you rediscover a much more loving relationship with
yourself.
Be selfish. Be very, very selfish. Desire to have it
all, with no one losing anything, and everyone gaining
because of your gains. It IS possible, and what's more,
genuine love guarantees it. When we find it where it has
always existed. Deep in our souls. Those are my guesses,
and thoughts. Hope something here helps in your search.
From: wolfie
Dearest Anne, I know how you are feeling inside - I
truly DO!!! I don't have the answers for the path you
must make for yourself - the answer WILL reveal itself to
you, though, I know this. One thing I could add, though,
and that is about affirmations, etc., and what we choose
to focus on. I am a firm believer that: as we think, so
it is - as we believe, so it is - whatever we focus on is
our reality. So in other words, by focusing on what we
don't have, we will stay in what we don't have. (in that
reality) By focusing on what we want, we will create that
as our reality. In other words, when I focus on, in my
relationship, about things that are wrong - I stay there
in that reality and things actually get Worse - because
that is where my focus is on. When I focus on all that I
have and all that I desire - I AM FILLED WITH LOVE AND
LIGHT, I AM FILLED WITH PASSION AND MY RELATIONSHIP WITH
MY PARTNER IS PASSIONATE AND WILD AND FUN - I AM HAPPY,
WHOLE, AND COMPLETE - MY LOVE LIFE IS EXCITING - I AM
FREE - etc. etc, when I do these things, when I focus on
these things, it becomes my reality. Of course, it is
important to affirm I AM vs. I want - when we affirm I
want, we stay in our want, when we affirm I AM, it
manifests as our reality.
It really works! I know I talk about affirmations a
lot on this web site but that is because I am a firm
believer in that thoughts are things. And we all have the
power to create our reality based on our thoughts and
beliefs. By affirmations, saying them over and over, you
may just wake up some day and realize that you have it
all!!!! (as I am writing this, I am realizing that I,
too, need to do this more :-) ) I have seen and
experienced this work countless times!!! We really do
already have it all - we just need to embrace it.
From: Anne
Wolfie, Bernd, What do you think about this......I
have it all EXCEPT the part of a relationship with my
husband that I know I am capable of having but not sure
he is capable of it. If he is not capable of the depth of
relationship that I am then I know I need it with
someone! I have good kids, a lovely home, good family
time, great parents and great friends. These things could
change if I seek to satisfy my emotional needs by
divorcing or splitting the family up. I know people
understand this here and much of what they say helps me
deal with it but it's not changing my situation and I
know only I am capable of changing it, yet if I make a
move it changes everything. And for what.....something
I'm pretty sure is out there but not positive?, to seek
what I think will help me emotionally but don't know for
sure??? At what expense is it "time" to do
anything.....ever?
I have a friend who has lost her sister to cancer, her
husband died suddenly at age 40, she has not children and
now her mother is struggling with ovarian cancer. She is
so frustrated because she's had people taken from her and
she had no control over it. She gets angry with me
because she thinks I can control my situation yet I won't
take steps to do anything about it. I don' take steps
because I don't know what to do. I have been to
counseling and I don't think there are any counselors
that have an answer or make me find an answer as long as
I feel the way I do about the family unit. Thoughts
Wolfie....you too Bernd!
From: Bernd
The $64 question IS "If he is not capable of the
depth of relationship that I am..." That seems like
the ground floor fear that's blocking you. Anne, in your
relationship with God, have you asked God that question,
and calmed down your fears and thoughts enough to let Him
answer? If God creates all of us in his own image, then
we are all capable of limitless love. If we aren't giving
it, there's something blocking it - and the biggest
blocks are buried childhood pain and beliefs that we had
no choice to accept as children.
Now, let's look at the mirror. If you've given up on
therapy and searching for answers, what's the example
he's seeing? He will likely feel that therapy and
searching are a waste of time too, and every effort you
make to try to shake that belief will speak less than
your actions.
You and I have also been taught that "pride"
(being proud of who we are) is important. A love of the
self is, but the opposite of pride - humility - is one of
the foundations of loving ourselves and others. Humility
isn't so much a virtue, as much as it is a tremendous
gift we give to ourselves. The more I accept that my
faults and imperfections are just as great as any other
human on earth - even the "worst scum" - then I
have less motive to judge others. Judging others is a
very slippery trap for me, because it takes the focus off
of healing myself.
It also helps me a lot in accepting others. Jesus said
"whatever you do to the least of my brothers, you do
to me". It's my belief that everyone is capable of
tremendous love, but not everyone is able or willing to
let God take the rocks on their backs that are crippling
them and that love, until they are either forced to by
pain, or find the faith they need to in someone else's
example. I still have struggles with all my faults and
imperfections, but I'm more aware everyday that they are
all essential parts of my being. If I didn't discover all
the rocks I have on MY back, I would never have been able
to truly understand the crippling weight Lynda and others
have carried so much of their lives. God doesn't just
take the rocks when I hand each one over to him...he
turns them into feathers and gives them back to me,
helping me float lighter and easier as I take each new
step. The only way I can fly closer to heaven is to find
more rocks on my back to have God turn into feathers.
There is no shortage.:) That is why I consider my faults
as blessings, and one of Ghandi's quotes was the example
that helped ME see that. My recovery eventually became
one of the examples that helped Lynda begin her own
searching.
I went thru 4 therapists, Susan went thru 8. We don't
always find the 4 leaf clover in the first patch of grass
we look in. God promises us life and love in abundance,
if we truly seek for it, above all else. I know it feels
as if trying to find what you're looking for in your
marriage is hopeless, but my guess is what became
possible in our marriage is just as possible in yours.
And you have an advantage - you don't have the quicksand
of an affair to wade thru first.
I hope you find the inner guidance and encouragement
you're looking for to find what is truly best for you,
with NO regrets about anything.
From: Anne
Bernd, I don't have the quicksand of an affair but
I've had an "affair of the heart" that allowed
feelings, conversations, and my "old" self to
surface and "be" the person I am that I've
never experienced with my spouse and doubt ever will
because there is just a "difference" that I
can't explain. Yes, I've wanted an affair, to be with
this other person and share something physical that I
think exists within me but it's not possible. So what if
I experienced the physical with this other, mentally
would it make any difference in where I am now?
From: Bernd
"So what if I experienced the physical with this
other, mentally would it make any difference in where I
am now?"
I believe, yes, it would. It would make you more
unhappy. I could shoot up with heroin, and have a
blissful high for a while too. But there's always the
"price tag" after when a choice isn't truly
loving.
Anne, you were wondering if your husband is incapable
of giving you what you need. Have you decided in your
heart and mind that it's futile trying to find out
whether that's really true? Have you given up, and lost
hope? If so, check inside to see where this wellspring of
hopelessness is really coming from. Without hope, and
faith, life becomes a truly difficult struggle. My
reading is that there's something else going on inside
you, and I may be out in left field, but the words
"scared" and "hurt" come to mind. I'm
also getting the reading that your struggle with your
husband is masking the real roots of that emptiness. I
dunno. If I'm way off base, my apologies in advance.
I wish I had the insights that could open a door for
you. I truly wish I was more help to you.
From: Anne
yes, I've been hurt by him over the years and he
realizes that now and is sorry and is also some different
now, and I've forgiven him because I understand his
background. What I can't do, for whatever reason, is be
"in love" with him. I was wrong to have
suffered silently when he did things that hurt me deeply,
but I am a peacemaker and don't like fussing and arguing,
so I kept it bottled up. When I finally brought it all
out in the open, over the past few years he's made
improvements, yet there is some reason I can't seem to
love him. I've been through so much with different
counselors that I think finding someone with anything
different to say would be like finding a needle in a
haystack. Yes, I've given up on my own emotions and live
on auto pilot from day to day. It's been such a struggle
for me to get him to open up that I don't care any
more.....yet I do care because I don't want to see him
deserted again. This is just too complicated for me, a
simpleton. Love to me should come easy and effortless. A
marriage you have to work at......but the love should be
there without work. That's my thinking.
From: Pd
Well my heart goes out to you, because as I have
stated in my earlier postings, I have been going through
the same thing as you. I am happy to say, I HAVE made MY
choice. I have decided to move on with my life. The
family unit is what has made me come back here twice.
Each time coming back to only find the same things
happening. I am exhausted...mentally, and have to do
SOMETHING. So I, being the one who has not been able
think for myself for years....out of fear....finally made
a decision. I plan on sticking to this decision, because
I see it as an opportunity, not as a loss. I will gain
much more from this move than I am losing, I am sure of
it. Anne, NO ONE but you...can make those decisions for
you. Like you, I crave and need that kind of
relationship, and I made my choice based on MY needs.
Maybe I am being selfish, but I feel I deserve to be
selfish. I want myself and my children to be happy. Even
my daughter has told me I am a different person when I am
not around my SO. So, I know I am bettering MYSELF. I
just wanted to share with you what is going on in my life
at this time....I will keep you all posted.
From: Anne
PD....my thoughts and prayers are with you as you move
through this time. It won't be easy I'm sure, but if you
have made up your mind then be positive. I'm curious
though, why you decided to leave....is your husband
abusive at all to you or your kids? or is it just that
you need more and you just don't love him? How do your
kids feel about him? and this decision you've made? If
you feel you want to share with me I'd be glad to listen.
From: wolfie
Dearest Anne, the answer you seek is within you and it
WILL become clear for you. Sometimes when we are trying
TOO hard for an answer - because we are SO focused on our
problem, we stay stuck in the problem. Turn Away from it
all for a moment. My suggestion: go someplace quiet for a
day just with yourself - go to a beach - or go into the
woods - someplace in nature and just be STILL. Sometimes
we feel that we need to rush an answer - we feel we need
to do something now - take action - and we force
decisions, we get all confused inside. I suggest doing
something for yourself just for a day - spend the day
alone with you and your higher self, guardian angel, God,
Spirit (whatever you choose to call it) and just BE. I
feel your confusion and anguish - I really do and it is
in these times that we need to let all of our problems
disappear into the nothingness from where they came.
Spend the day with yourself and just BE - be with
yourself and with your guardian angel. Know that the
answer WILL reveal itself to you. It will! And listen to
the guiding nudge.
I cannot tell you what to do - it is not my right -
for I know without a fraction of a doubt that your higher
self is guiding you. I can share experiences and I can
share thoughts but I know that you will do what you need
to do for you.
I have learned that nobody can make me happy but me
and my connection to the Divine! My happiness is my
responsibility -- and I continue to work on that DAILY.
It is TOUGH work!!! But I think it is quite natural to
want to feel that incredible romance, attraction,
connection feeling because when you fall in love like
that, it is the closest feeling to God. { Read "The
Path to Love" by Deepak Chopra.} But it is Because
of my experiences (which I thank God for) that has
brought me to where I am today. Many times we need to
experience first hand!! That is what life is all about. I
am glad my partner and I finally found each other - I
will always always always remember our first meeting -
our first 24 hours together - always! Here is a flip side
of the coin : My partner was married for 15 years and he
divorced. I asked him tonight that if he knew back then
what he knows today, would he still be married - he
answered: probably!! But he went on to say that it is
Because of our relationship that he has learned all that
he has. Go figure - you can look at that in many
different ways. I would strongly recommend
"Conversations with God" by Neale Donald Walsh
- he has a wonderful section on relationships in
there!!!!!
I'm sorry Anne - I don't have the answers - just a
searching soul here myself. And to be honest with you,
with the struggles I have had, I am ready to give all
relationships up for good! :-) I do know, though, that
each person is on their own unique individual path and
listen to your inner voice of knowing. Try to just get
quiet and listen.
No matter which way you choose, if you are serious in
your quest, you will eventually have everything you could
possibly desire - you will either awaken it together in
your present relationship or you will elsewhere - either
way, it is soul work on ourselves we're up to here.
From: wolfie
I must say this one thing - I don't always love my
partner - sometimes I hate him!!!! I mean it!!! But I
have given myself permission to feel whatever it is I am
feeling and accept where I am at - instead of feeling
guilty for how I feel.
From: Brian
Annie your in a tuff spot. As someone sitting on your
husband's side of the fence I can see what my wife is
going through in the words you say. Who has the answers,
for sure it's only you and in you...easy to say. Don't
have an affair. It will make things even more unhappy and
fix nothing. You are not a simpleton...far from it.
Counselors don't have the answers, all they do is try to
get you to find them in yourself. Lets face it, things
change over the years for people, what was important is
not important in the same way. Find out what is very
important to you and let him know! Don't make him guess,
then maybe you will feel better then you ever have. That
other person can be more the same, not 'different' then
you think, but of course he has to be the one to change
it, you can do it for him...but you can give him a
direction.
I can tell you from my point of view, communication is
a big problem. I've found that with my wife it feels like
I have to keep guessing what it is that turns her crank.
Sorry, but with the view of 'natural' planted in your
head that implies that we as men should know right off
the bat what you want. How can we give it to you when you
don't know what you want
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