Some key components to wrecking marriages - Happily Married

Why is it that so many paint a grim picture of marriage? Why is it that some have wonderful marriages and others have dismal ones? I have been happily married for 11 years. I still love my wife as much as I did when she said yes to my proposal. My wife is my best friend. Point in case. You should or should have married your best friend.

Herein lies a problem with so many marriages. If you didn't marry your best friend then you made a mistake. You should be friends first and lovers second. You see, I actually prefer doing things with my wife than with my closest friends. We still make time for our friends but this is simply to please them, not ourselves. I tell my wife everything, share all my problems. In other words, we COMMUNICATE like best friends.

Remember that best friend you had in high school? Remember how you always called them first when something came up, or when you were making plans? Well, your spouse needs to feel NEEDED in the same way your best friend felt needed.

There are other reasons why marriages don't work. How 'bout this one: dating for less than a year and then saying the vows. Sound familiar? I would say that 70% of all divorcees I've talked with dated their spouse less than 12 months. This is hardly enough time to determine what this person is like. Some may get lucky and their marriage worked out great with a 3 month courtship. But for most it will end in despair. Seems like 2 "adults" who are say 26 yrs old feel as if they are mature enough for marriage with a 3 month courtship. Doesn't matter how old you are. 3 months or 12 months just ain't enough time to get to know your partner. So many times couples think that they are compatible simply because their sex life is great. Sad, sad. But this is the moral fabric of the '90's. It's no wonder that our grandparents stayed together for 70 years and married at 19yrs old. Times may be different, but people are not. If they could do it, we can also. I get really sick of hearing excuses that times are different so that means we just can't be like our grandparents and have a wonderful marriage. It happens folks. And my marriage is a living example.

How 'bout this for thought. Stay away from the barscene. Bars are one of the biggest marriage wreckers today. Ask yourself, why does my spouse go to bars? Or ask why YOU go to bars? I'm sure most will say to have a good time with your friends. However, if there were only people of the same sex going to a particular bar, would you then be going? I doubt it. You see, despite what someone may say, they go to bars because there are other people of the opposite sex there. They go to get the attention they may not be getting from their marriage. I speak from experience because I lived the barlife for years. You don't go to have fun with friends, you go to FLIRT. And we all know that flirting causes problems and leads to affairs. This may sound simple, but it's the truth. It's all about common sense people.

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