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 Bad sex - wanting it
My boyfriend is just not good at sex. He can't make me
climax. He is real eager and tries hard, but I just can't
tell him that he is no good at sex. I love him a lot, but
I can not seem to tell him that he does not satisfy me. I
have been getting anxious to try someone else to see if
there are some guys with better techniques. I think that
he could be better, but he just doesn't know my body. I
can make myself cum, but it takes a bit of effort, and I
have to be in the right mood. He just doesn't know how to
create the mood that I need to feel special. What should
I do? It is hurting our relationship, and we have started
to have arguments about stupid things. Should I break up
with him and look for a new guy?
 From: Bernd
You don’t have to tell him “he’s no
good at sex”. He already knows. As much as men might
be out of touch with our emotions, when it comes to sex,
most of us have internal radar systems that can pick up
signals from our partner, even when they’re not
aware they’re sending them out. As much as part of
him is trying to please you, another part is running for
the hills, to safety. When a man fears he’s “no
good at sex”, it’s like telling a woman
she’s ugly and will never be loved. It hits him
right at his core. The internal pressure and turmoil he
feels as a result is definitely NOT conducive to
“good sex”.
The path to a better sex life, in my opinion, is
better EVERYTHING. The amount of sexual enjoyment and
intimacy we get in a relationship is usually a pretty
good mirror of the quality of the rest of the
relationship. How much do you truly value other parts of
your relationship? How much time do you spend in
non-sexual intimacy, such as snuggling, holding hands,
playing, soft kissing sessions, and stroking his hair
(and having him stroke yours)? Ask yourself is maybe you
might be missing out on a world of good feelings besides
sexual ones. If you find that echoes something inside of
you, maybe it’s time to sit down with him and ask
him to help you explore the playground of non-sexual
intimacy with him, such as some of the examples I’ve
mentioned. When every nerve ending in your body is
electrically alive from a non-sexual full-body massage
given by soft caring hands, it doesn’t take much
else to set the sexual fireworks off all over your body -
IF you let the feelings flow THRU you, instead of trying
to force them, or laying most of the responsibility for
them at your boyfriend’s feet.
That’s about all my thoughts for now. Just a
gentle reminder - these are just my best guesses, based
on my own experiences. Good luck.
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