To: Josie - trish

Dear Josie, I go with feelings, and I have wanted to share with you since yesterday. I don't know if it is that big, warm, loving, marshmallow, mommy heart of yours or what. But here goes.

I was in an abusive 2nd marriage for 6 years. I went into it out of pride. I also went into it with a vow to God till death do us part to make up for my first marriage. I had been divorced for 7 years and had everything going in my favor towards my goals.

Anyway, he was mean, abusive, spiteful, just all of it. I endured it all through prayer, classes, books, work, everything to keep my mind occupied (was an insomniac during this marriage). When I said I prayed, I prayed for God to fill his heart, for his salvation to put love and peace in him to make this marriage work. I had had to turn him in to be sure he didn't physically abuse me anymore (I had some sense), so of course he had to over compensate with the mental abuse. The end of the marriage was given to me by the Grace of God (a long story and not why I'm here talking to you right now).

I wanted to clarify something I had posted, about a week ago, in case you caught it. I moved out of state to my current locale a little over 8 years ago. After 1 year I bought a house and went into a relationship out of loneliness. Guess it had to be just under 2 years since my divorce. The relationship for the first year, was just a once a week thing, and that was enough for me. The start of the second year, he started coming over and just made himself at home and would stay a few days at a time. I was not comfortable with this, and when I would try to gently express that, something in my house got broke. We wouldn't see each other, and you know all the I'm sorry, I was drunk, bla,bla. Well, to make it short, this went on for a few months, not quite a year, and one day (I had made it a rule he was to be sober when he was in my house, so he wasn't in my house much) he came over and I was baking. Well he had gone in the basement and got smashed. (I had been trying to end this thing for weeks). He came into my house and started smashing things, pushed me, I got cut somehow, blood all over, I went to the neighbors and had them dial 911, they arrested him for assault on a female (I wasn't even asked to press charges, they, the state did) and he was arrested. Judge issued a 5 year restraining order against him.

I think the mommy in you, brought out the little girl in me to say, hey I did learn, and yea, I let that garbage in for just a little bit, but through God again, got it out, and it has stayed out. I Thank God for mommies like you and all the mommies like you.

From: Josie

Dearest Trish, Your posting made me so happy this evening!! I too, go with feelings and sharing with you feels wonderful. I really feel for you and the terrible way that you were treated by these men.

I have never had to endure violence towards me from a man and for that I feel really lucky but I have known, sadly, too many women who have: my sister, several dear, dear friends of mine and through my work as a midwife women who have been abused either in pregnancy or whilst at home with a small baby.

One of the cases that hurt me the most was when I went into hospital for my night shift a couple of years ago, and one of the 'women' that was allocated to my care was in for 'fetal monitoring'. When I went in to see this 'woman' and introduce myself, I found this little girl of 16 (and looking more like 13) staring at me pathetically from her bed. Fetal monitor strap around her little swollen belly.

The room was filled with the familiar beating of a tiny human life and the young girl's face purple from all down one side with such a badly cut eye that you could not actually see her eyelids. During the next few nights we became good friends and although I tried to be strong for her, at the end of my shift when I went home I could not eat, sleep properly and I would cry for her. (All terribly unprofessional, I know)

I could not get her out of my mind. She had been beaten up by her alcoholic 25 year old boyfriend. (not for the first time, I might add). This time he had been angry because she had been feeling nauseated and had not had his food ready on the table when he had returned from the gym and then had a 'few' drinks. Through out her conversations she would try to tell me that he did love her very much and that this time he was going to change...

Her parents were wonderful people and desperately worried about her. I talked to her at length, about the fact that what she perceived as love wasn't really so, about the importance of having to protect her new life within and how she owed it to herself and her baby to get out of that relationship. Although in the beginning she didn't say much, towards the end, she started to trust and talk to me. She said she was going to seriously think about what I said. I don't know what happened in the end, but I know that she did, agree to move back into her parents home.

Going home the last night I saw her, at the end of my shift, I felt quite depressed and frustrated about this young girl, when I suddenly saw her parents coming towards me. I felt a bit worried in case they told me not to stick my nose into their business but instead they gave me the biggest warm hug. That helped me a lot. The next day when I went in to work she had been 'discharged' from hospital. I remember wanting to take her pain away...I thought of my daughters, if they got in the same situation...Any way, I am sorry Trish I am just going on and on but I feel really comfortable talking to you.

It makes me feel that I, can be the little girl for once, talking to you... I am so glad for you that you had the strength to 'get out'. Yes, through having done that, you have learned so much and you can now help other people immensely because of your life experiences. You deserve the best. Take care of yourself, my friend. Thank you for listening to me and for your letter.

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