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 What should I do now? - Unsure
I've been in a 3 year relationship with a woman that I
would love to spend the rest of my life with... if only I
knew soon!! She recently broke up with me because she
needed some space. I wasn't giving her enough attention
for the past year and she always told me, but I didn't
think it would come to this. We go to the same school and
every morning she gets dropped off at my house because
she lives far away from the school. I don't mind her
coming over but my sister said that if she doesn't plan
on giving you a second chance, she will mixed up your
mind. We also call each other. But, she gets very
irritated easily now. I don't mean too, it just happens.
She is my first TRUE LOVE and I am hers. She doesn't
really like to talk to me. What should I do next? Is it
possible for us to re-unite?
 From: Claudia
Dear Unsure, It is very hard to allow time to pass
without DOING something. The trouble is as I have
discovered however, quite often, the more I try and get
into "fixing" something which requires time, I
make a worse situation.
It sounds like this is where you are at. It also
sounds possible that there are confusing messages coming
your way. For awhile is it possible for her to get to
school another way? Are your conversations about the
relationship or about neutral topics? Do you feel as
though you can allow some time to pass between you before
contact is attempted again? How about other human
relationships Unsure... do you have a close friend to
help you through this time and experience?
From: Bernd
I remember some of my first intense relationships, and
the confusion and pain I went thru. Love opens up all
sorts of trapdoors inside of us - a mixture of magical,
wonderful ones, but also a bunch of ones that contain all
our old pain, insecurities, struggles, and confusions
about who we are, what life means, and what love is
really all about. It’s like opening the front door
to let the fresh air in, and having a batch of mosquitoes
fly in at the same time. It’s no win.
It sounds like your girlfriend is dealing with that
kind of mixture. It has very little to do with you, and a
lot to do with the hidden struggles she has going on
inside her about herself and life. Unfortunately, unless
her parents and/or yours have a truly open, honest, and
loving relationship, neither of you has the role models
you need to make some sense out of all that confusion.
How do you learn math in school? By having a good teacher
who helps you learn how to solve problems. I’d
suggest that if you really want to learn what’s
happening in this love relationship, you take the same
approach to relationships. See if you can find an adult
couple that seems to have the kind of relationship you
want, and ask them if they’d be willing to be your
teachers. Find all the books and web resources you can on
relationships, and learn everything you can from them.
It will accomplish a few things. First, it will help
you take your mind off your girlfriend, and give you
something positive to focus on that will help you find
the answers you’re looking for. Second, a failed
relationship dashes our hopes that we’ll find the
kind of love we’re looking for. Learning how and why
the problems appeared helps restore your hope that you
CAN find solutions to such problems, if you give yourself
the time you need to search for answers. That’s it
for now. I dunno if any of this will be helpful or not,
but I hope it contributes in some way to you finding a
way thru this that leaves you better off, not worse off.
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