Re: To Mel, Kelle, Luise

Re: To Mel, Kelle, Luise ----- From: ke11e - Date: 05 Nov 1997

Kim--

Everyone deserves happiness, but I have 2 responses for you to consider. First, I am responsible for my OWN happiness (if I have correctly interpreted my 'lessons')... I think that is probably sound advice. I am helping my child through some painful relationships now, and I think it's an important lesson for both of us that we learn to find our OWN happiness, and that we not bank on others for that. maybe I'm wrong!?

Second, I think our children are by far the most important thing in many of our lives. IF that is the case, we need to weigh the dissatisfaction re: our relationships with the pain WE would feel if we hurt our children. (IE., nothing would make me happy if I knew I hurt them.) In my case, as in many others, there is no abuse or infidelity to TRULY hurt me. And Yes, of COURSE our children pick up on the unhappiness. (I see an even bigger consequence now in building a positive attitude towards marriage relationships. . .but I don't have that figured out for MYSELF, so I'm not sure how to present it to my kids.) Still, I think we each have to weigh it out, but for me, unhappy days ARE worth sparing my children the pain of divorce. And part of the reason I'm saying that is because if I can successfully control my own happiness, I don't need the spouse (or someone on the outside!) to provide it.

These are just my thoughts, kim. I sure wouldn't claim to have it all understood.

kelle