Hurt and Confused.....

Hurt and Confused..... ----- From: Rachel - Date: 10 Nov 1997

I am in a state of shock right now. My boyfriend of 9 months told me yesterday that he had sex with his ex-girlfriend over a month ago. They had been broken up for a year and a half when he and I began dating. She still called him everytime she had a crisis, which was quite often, but I trusted him so much because I knew he loved me and had no interest in her. He was just being a friend because she had no one else to turn to. Apparently she called him at work one day over a month ago, crying and hysterical because her boyfriend dumped her pretty harshly, told her she was no good and not worth his time. My boyfriend (let's call him Chris) went over to comfort her because she needed someone. One thing led to another and they had sex. Chris said it meant nothing, he has never stopped loving me and he has thought of nothing but me ever since. He says he loves me so much and he is so sorry that he will do whatever it takes to earn my trust again. He doesn't want to lose me and admits he screwed up big time. I can see that he has been beating himself up over it. He says he has never cheated on a girlfriend before and always told me he would break up with me before he would cheat on me. I noticed a change in his behavior and was scared that it was because of me. He insisted it wasn't, that he was just going through a tough time, that he just gets into a 'funk' once in awhile that comes and goes for no reason. I believed that but still sensed as if something was wrong. It got to the point that Saturday night he was so bummed he just wanted to be alone. We spent the next afternoon together and I knew he was really hurting. I asked him what was wrong, told him that whatever it was he could tell me. He didn't say anything for awhile, so I held him and he finally said, "I'm hopeless." It was so sad. I told him he wasn't hopeless, he was just going through a tough time and I would be there with him, no matter what. He hesitated again, then said, "You know I love you." That is when my warning bells went off. He said, "I messed up" and proceeded to tell me what happened.

I have never dated anyone so caring and honest (before this) with me in my entire life. He says he has never had such a great relationship and has never been so happy with anyone because no one has treated him as well as I do. We do have a great relationship and were very happy together before this. He says he loves me so much and that is why he told me. He says he never stopped loving me and hates himself for what he did. He could have kept it a secret but it was killing him and no matter what the consequences, he had to tell me.

I know I should just leave him but I love him so much and I can tell this is tearing him apart. All he could say all night was "I love you so much" and "I don't want to lose you" and "I really screwed up." He knows how much he hurt me and says he will do anything to win back my trust, but whatever we do, it is up to me. He said he totally understands if I want to break up with him or if I need some time off. I feel like I should take time to myself but I love him so much I would miss him too much. I want to believe him, I want to trust him again, I want to give him another chance but it is so hard. I have never been through something like this before so I am at a loss as to what to do. Please help...I need serious advice.