Re: Hurt and Confused.....

Re: Hurt and Confused..... ----- From: Bernd - Date: 13 Nov 1997

True forgiveness takes time, and there are stages that are common to human beings - shock, denial, anger, grief, bargainning and finally acceptance. What you've done is made the decision to go thru the forgiveness process, and if you carry thru this process, you WILL be able to transform this part of your lives to something that makes your relationship much better. Forgiveness isn't forgetting, it's remembering in a different, more compassionate way.

Are you letting him off too easy? The examples we've been shown thru most of our lives - and example I believe is destructive - is that others need to make us hurt enough before we'll "change". This is the motive behind punishment. If you whip a horse, it will run a mile for you. If you treat a horse with caring and kindness, and leave the whip in the barn, it will run the EXTRA mile for you - willingly.

My personal belief is that the less distractions we have in dealing with someone else's attempts to make us feel pain, the more able we are to really feel our own pain, and let it teach us what it's trying to. It isn't the amount of pain someone feels that motivates someone to change; it's their ability to listen to it, and recieve it's message, and use that message to enhance their lives - and the lives of others around them.

It takes strength, not weakness, to do what feels right for YOU inside, no matter how many of the other lemmings are headed in the other direction.

Those are my guesses. SWounds like you 2 have a promising start to a new stage in your relationship.