Re: Broken Heart...P.S. ----- From: Bernd - Date: 28 Nov 1997

I forgot to mention that both poeple in a rescuer/victim relationship almost always seem to play both roles, and switch places quite often, even tho one might be the dominant rescuer or victim. Btw, I've been in that kind of relationship myself a bunch of times, wasn't aware of what I was really doing either. For example, on one hand I say to myself "if only she did this, if only she didn't do that, I'd be much happier" (victim), but then later say "no wonder she's so hurt, her last boyfriend treated her like shit, I'll make sure she gets treated right this time" (rescuer). When I'm in rescue mode, I see things as being someone else's fault, not hers, and don't recognize how HER choices contributed to her struggles. In victim mode, I don't see how MY choices keep playing a part in prolonging my unhappiness and pain, and as such, keep myself in the swamp because SHE won't change. Arggg, tires me out just to remember how much work that was!!!

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