STD hell

STD hell ----- From: unhappy - Date: 02 Dec 1997

All right. Here is one long problem. I am a 24 year old female and when I was 20, I contracted genital warts. Now, I am far from a promiscous person. I can count the number of people i have been with on one hand. Plus, I ALWAYS use condoms. So, you can understand my resentment. Anyway, I was treated for them and they have not come back in a couple of years. I have done a lot of research on the subject and have found that the longer you go without any recurrence, the less chance there is of spreading it. Anyway, the point of my story. I was involved with a wonderful person. We just recently broke up because I had not told him that I had this STD. I had had sex with him and told him after the fact because my conscience was killing me. I thought even if he leaves me, I know I did the right thing. You see, the reason I did not tell him was because I thought his chances were low and it is very difficualt for me to have to bring it up. Anyone who has an STD like this(Herpes or warts) understands what I mean. So, not only did I not tell him before hand, I lied about it too. He asked me once if I had ever had anything and I said no. So, obviously when I told him, he was upset. He said he needed time away from me to think. He took a week to get back to me and said that he understood and still cared for me deeply and still wanted to be with me. So, I was happy because I thought I was forgiven. Well, two days later we went out and I noticed that he was being distant. I just thought it was from the conflict so I blew it off. We ended up having sex that night so I thought everything was ok. But the next week he was still being distant and wasn't calling as often as he does normally. I called him on it and he just said he was stressed out from school. I asked him if he needed more time from me. He said maybe. So, he took his time and I called him again. He said he did not know what he wanted. He said that he knew intellectually that I did not mean to hurt him and that I was truly sorry(I beat myself up for days over the lie) but emotionally, he said he just did not feel the same. He said he wanted to take thins slow- we would talk over the phone for the next couple of weeks and if we were comfortable, go out. I have some intimacy issues and I started to feel leary of him pulling away from me. This made me uncomfortable as well. Well, we were getting off of the phone and he said he would call during the week. Well, the week came and went not to mention a major holiday and I did not hear from him. So, I called him this past Saturday and broke things off. I was uncofortable waiting any longer. Plus, I figured he wanted out but was too afraid to do it. Keep in mind that we were so into each other. The problem is I think he really put me up on a pedastal-he was telling me he was crazy about me after one week-we hung on each other's words-I could talk to him about things that mattered-we had so many cool things in common. I miss him so bad. The ironic thing is is that I did not want the breakup but did it. He probably did but couldn't. I regret ending things and I know I can't exactly take it back now. Does ANYONE out there have any theories on how people can change strong feelings so fast? I mean this guy went from being enamored of me, to being pissed about what I did, to forgiving me, and then two days later-being awkward and distant. Keep in mind that he is 23 if you think that has anything to do with it. I ended the relationship in a firm tone saying that I don't regret meeting him and that I took some valuable lessons away from the experience(HONESTY!!!!). His reply to the breakup was that he was sorry. He jusi did not know what to do-but I believe actions are louder than words. So, my questions are: What happened with him and his quick change emotions and does anyone see anyway of salvaging the relationship? I think I may be in denial because I do not want to go through the pain of having to get over someone. I hate having to do this. It's like-Why do we get involved with people at all? Another hard conclusion that I have come to: you know in the begginning of a relationship or dating when you're in that cloud nine phase and the world is great and you think the other person can do no wrong and you actually think that this is the person you're getting. Wrong!!!!!!!!! It's when the shit hits the fan-that's the person you're getting. But you're blind so you don't want to see it. You're too damn happy. Well, I'm going to stop babbling. Thanks for the feedback!!!