I hate this feeling!

I hate this feeling! ----- From: Cat - Date: 02 Dec 1997

I have been married for 12 years and have 2 kids, 4 and 8 years old. 2 months ago I uncovered my wife affair at our house. She attempted suicide (overdose) that day while I was out of the house. She is now diagnosed with major depression and is recovering slowly with anti- depressant medication and therapy. Also we are attending couple counseling once a week.

Here is my problem. Because my wife is recovery from depression I have to restrain myself from getting to the guts of the affair or let her know how hurt I am. She had on several occassions threaten suicide when I asked about the affair and why she did what she did. She said she doesn't know why she did what she did and she felt I was driving her to kill herself.

You see she actually got a hotel room with her guy (married man) during the late morning and later that day brought me and the kids to that room that evening. Telling us it was a surprise for all of us. Other occassions was just as blatant if not worst.

I am still very sore about her affair. Everyone told me to keep in mind that she was suffering from depression during the affair and was unable to think straight. I am having trouble keeping that in my mind. The more I think about the affair and how she manipulated us prevented me from seeing her medical problem.

Because I can't keep the affair from my mind and keep the emotion to myself, I find I am cold and uncompassionate and now I feel like me staying is not helping her recovery. She said she still love me very much and does not want me to leave but try to look beyond the affair. It is easy to say than done!

Any advise and thoughts are welcome.

Cat.