Re: REaction to post about cheating mate to Wolfie, Diane & Trish ----- From: David - Date: 03 Dec 1997

I can understand your reaction, and I can also understand what Leslie did. So many times I have kicked myself for not being suspicious and not pulling off some brilliant exposure of the situation that would have stopped it in its tracks. I am actually mad at myself for not being a better spy! But of course, you are right: It doesn't do any good and often does a lot of harm.

I really think that most of us, if we have come to the point of discussing things here, have realized already that spying is useless. What little spying I have done has always caused more harm than good. But I don't blame other people for spying. It's very hard not to do it.

One problem with the approach that Leslie suggested is that it may give the SO a taste of something exciting and interesting when they weren't even looking for it before. Kind of like hiring a prostitute to try to entrap your husband when he isn't pursuing anything like that. He turns her down, but afterward he thinks, "Wow, that woman was really exciting! I wonder what it would have been like if I said yes?"

Of course, there's always the possibility that Leslie's SO turned down the offer to meet because he was busy -- with someone he met the night before! Spying would have to cover a lot more broad spectrum of activities than just the internet. That's why it is so useless and ultimately humiliating -- there is always a hole in your "dragnet" somewhere, and when your SO crawls through it you only look more pathetic. I know from first hand experience.

So Leslie, if you are listening in (do you feel ganged up on?). . . . Stop trying to entrap us by dangling this temptation in front of our eyes! :-) We've already tried this spying game.

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