comes and goes...

comes and goes... ----- From: SK - Date: 08 Dec 1997

First off thanks to all (wolfie,Bernd, Rick) for responding...you have opened a little hole - the light is there - but hard to grasp at times!

I can see how my actions - dictate who I am - and how this affair was really a coping mechanism to avoid being in a loving relationship! BUT NOW - I feel also the fear of disappointing "lisa" going back and risking - AM I ready?? HA I feel like I WANT to trust my feelings but have such a hrd time knowing them - (they have been disregarded, ignored for so long) The images of this "new love" are popping in - the easyness of the interaction...the no fuss - that I know so well - the avoidance of TRUE love and accepting what i see in lisa reflecting and showing me my own wretched self loathing??

Someone help me here w/ this mirroring idea - wolfie's story about her cat hit me - Seeing others "weaknesses" actually cause us to reject them - because we see ourselves - our own issues we don't like about ourselves - the inability to come in contact and GIVE to those feelings of abandonment, rejection, etc....(?)

AM i going somewhwere?

My parents did not support "freedom of expression" in our home - I can't ever remember a moment of real honest loving kind words of support - as if they were NOT capable. It was and still is VERY awkward for my mother to express genuine LOVE! And I havn't talked to my father for over 4 years! (by his choice) Anyway just throwing some STUFF out....thanks again fer the ear(s)...

tryin to be true,sk