Re: Sexual Addiction

Re: Sexual Addiction ----- From: Bernd - Date: 08 Dec 1997

I’m not sure what you eman by “slight” risk. Can you enlighten me a bit more?

Sex gives us a FEELING of safety (except in cases where we don’t give our free consent to sexual choices). Biochemically, it releases a bunch of feel-good endorphins in our brains, which contribute to our sense of euphoria and well-being. We are emotionally naked and vulnerable during sex, so getting this kind of rush during such vulnerability triggers very core emotional memories, similar to those we had as an infant when we were held naked and close to our mother’s skin. It is a VERY safe feeling.

To GET this feeling however, ironically we often do very unsafe things - especially in an affair, or in pursuing sexual compulsiveness or addiction. We have unprotected sex, we put ourselves (and sometimes others) in situations where we have an increased risk of accident, or harm from crime. And so on.

Regarding 12 step programs, I’m not a fan of hospitals either. But when a hospital is the most appropriate choice to help me heal a physical problem (broken leg, heart attack, etc.), it would be detrimental to my well-being not to take advantage of it. You may find the use of “Higher Power” or God in 12 step groups difficult to reconcile with your belief system. That’s ok. There have been many atheists and agnostics in 12 step programs, who used them successfully in coming to terms with their addictions. One story I remember was a man who used Howard the Duck - successfully - as his “Higher Power”. Others treat the word “God” as an acronym - for “Good Orderly Direction”. For someone who struggles with spiritual beliefs, I’ve found that treating our subconcious as our “Higher Power” works wonderfully.

The real power of 12 step programs is the shared experiences, empathy, hope, and fellowship. The real experts are those who are in recovery, because they are LIVING the experience. No therapist or other source can ever achieve that level of experience, unless they have gone thru the process (or are going thru it) on an intimate level themselves. Like using a rock instead of a hammer to pound nails, you may feel you can get the “job done” without involvement in an appropriate support group. But chances are, you will make your struggle longer, and more work than necessary. A good support group is one of the best “therapists” I know, and because almost all support groups are free, those without money have equal access.

Those are my thoughts. Good luck on your search!