She comes and goes-- to Bernd (all comments welcome)

She comes and goes-- to Bernd (all comments welcome) ----- From: Steve - Date: 08 Dec 1997

Sigh, this is really hard for me to write. But I need to let it out somehow or I'll go crazy. If you glance through the last 6 or so postings by Steve. They're all about my story-- 3 yr relationship broken up etc. I'd say it's almost been three months since then or four. I've lost count. The day just seems to be dragging out. I feel like this is a REALLY long week. I guess it hasn't really hit me that she's been with someone else for that long.

Last Saturday, she and I met for a project. We had a great time, and it reminded-- I guess both of us-- of how great things were. We started getting closer to each other..and we had a heartfelt talk. She told me how she was afraid of hurting me again-- how she didn't think she deserved another chance-- how she had doubts about commitment etc. etc...how she didn't want to lose me as a friend and wanted to keep talking to me and seeing me. I told her that I didn't know whether we could get back together..but I told her that I loved her for some reason I could not comprehend..and it just seemed really really right-- and that I could just sit back and try to wait it out.

She seemed really upset..and I comforted her..we started kissing-- one thing led to another..and afterwards she cried. She told me that she missed me so much..Bernd I am so confused..these emotions that I'm having..it's so tangled. She went back to him the next day...it was his birthday..but she called me a few times...both times I questioned her about him-- sigh I was tired..I wasn't watching myself..I should've realized that questioning her was the opposite of what she wanted. She had called to talk to me. I didn't realize this until after the second time she called me that night. She didn't call after that. So I'm real confused right now-- evidently we both need time...but Bernd-- I don't know whether I should cling to this relationship. There are just so many factors going against it-- sometimes I feel like I'm trying to patch up the relationship where there really is nothing to patch up...i don't know whether i should just let go totally-- she tells me she still loves me...that she's not happy with this other guy...UGH

I keep running in circles and the moment I think I have gone in the right direction I fall on my ass. Then I start running in circles again. I love this girl...at the moment I can't really think of a reason why. I just love her. Well, thanks for letting me vent-- please any advice would be helpful.