Re: Breaking up???

Re: Breaking up??? ----- From: Lost - Date: 08 Dec 1997

Well, I'm trying to make it through day 2. I called him this morning because I feel I am entitled to an answer. He feels we should keep things as friends. He feels he's not strong enough to fight the battles we're headed for. I told him that it was unfair of him because he recently bought a new place. Everything started going downhill from then. I said that he has no memories of me in that place and I have to wake up in the bed we woke up in MANY times since we've been here. He really isn't a bad guy. He just wants things simple now. He has no friends here either. It's been really upsetting for him in that way. I don't know when all of this happened though. I asked him what his plans were. He said he was planning on throwing himself into his work and when he's ready, he's going to ask someone out. The thing is I think he really should seek counseling because his family has a history of doing things alone. He's only going to make the same mistakes over and over again. He doesn't want to face anything. I know that I can be strong because I've been through alot!! I've had to deal with a low paying job and with the people I work with. I'm not happy. But I'm not a quitter either. I sought out this website because I know that I have self pitying tendencies. I don't want to sit at home and cry and cry and cry some more!!! As for my family, they mean alot to me but going home would mean facing all of those memories I shared with him. I'm afraid I would feel resentment toward my folks!! I don't want to blame anyone. I'm trying REALLY hard to pick up the pieces in a mature way. But being alone is when I crack!! I have a beautiful picture of us still on my bookshelf. I can't bring my self to take it down just yet. He's going to call to see how I'm doing on Thursday, I don't know how to be. My mind says one thing then my heart feels so much pain. I truly want to be together with him again. How do I get through this??? It's still too fresh!! The wounds are so big. You know, I am an intelligent, multilingual, and very attractive woman. I have a very liberated mind but I think somewhere along the way I became dependent on him. I wanted to just stay home and cook and tend to his needs. I just don't want to go through the whole dating scene and getting to know them and pretending that I give a damn about their passion for baseball. I'm very opinionated and not afraid to let it out!! My philosophy is, "Why lie??" I need more than what he's given me. Thanks for all your postings, Im gonna need it!!!