Re: Band-Aid from Father w/ out lOve... ----- From: Bugga - Date: 08 Dec 1997

Powerful. I hear the pain and anger. It echoes in my heart and mind. There's absolutely nothing that can be done to right the wrongs that have been committed on us. There's no way we can make our fathers and mothers 'see' what they've done. Their journey is their own. And so is ours. Maybe we can beat it into them? Does that allow us to live with it any better? I don't think so. So why do we have to continue living with the pain, or re-live the pain to get through every day? I think it's because we REALIZE it was wrong. We've discovered WHAT and WHY the problems are. But that knowledge comes with a price. The price I pay is having to do something about it. My mother is dead so I can't do anything about her. My father is probably near death, or wishing he was. I couldn't wish a worse thing on a person. I have this abuser in my home. I CARE for him, day in and day out, because my sisters and brother want nothing to do with him. I can't say I blame them. But I can't live with that. He has nothing. And he has to wake up to himself every day. I can take a shower and wash off my dirt. He can't. It's deeper than that. I'm not going to sit here with colorful euphemisms and flowery adjectives to describe the truth. I'm sure your truth is just as disgusting.

What I will do is take the opportunity to say it doesn't have to be this way. I choose not to stay angry because I have found a way to forgive from my heart. Again, I have to emphasize the power of the Serenity Prayer. The past is something I cannot change. It happened. It's over. Tomorrow hasn't happened. I have more control over tomorrow than I realize today. This life is only a stepping stone into the next, where my partnership with God will finally make sense. But this stepping stone isn't without moss. I've found that not much that's really worth something is easy. It takes work, a stern commitment and a helluva lot of self-discipline and patience. Not exacty innate virtues.

I truly hope you find a connection somewhere that will bring you greater peace.

I offer a hug ((( ))) Bugga

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