Turtle on the Snail's Back

Turtle on the Snail's Back ----- From: Bugga - Date: 17 Dec 1997

I was feeling like I'm a turtle on a snail's back today. I'm experiencing some growing pains which I know are necessary doors to open and go through in order to accept more easily the things I've had trouble with in the past. I've had a lot of REALLY good progress and I am happy about it. It's just that I feel I may be missing some fundamentals about the growth process.

I read Wolfie's share post "Information On Healing" and it was nice to be able to read something that had stop signs in it saying not to read any further until you understand what was just said. I've found that while writing my book I get carried off in my thoughts and start speaking in parables or the abstract because I get so deep. Then when I re-read what I wrote, I realize not everyone will understand what I'm saying, which is ok, but if they aren't where I am in growth, it may not matter anyway. That's the rationale I use to qualify this: Do I need a more specific approach at healing, growth and spirituality? Like grade 1 through 12? Learning is valuable. Any learning is valuable I mean. I look at Wolfie and Bernd and see wisdom and experience and would like to understand more of what they've learned. Maybe it's a personal connection or just a way they have of explaining that makes sense to me.

When I have trouble with a post I'm trying to respond to, especially when I've seen my shadow I have little patience. OK, I know I already answered part of my question, I have little patience with myself, but I get frustrated anyway knowing I need growth in that SPECIFIC area. So I've accepted some things, still have ego problems, but feel like I'm missing a critical element. Is this just the nature of the beast or am I AGAIN dissecting too many molecules? Has anyone experienced this before?

One other way to try and express what I'm feeling more clearly to you is this: You know how difficult it would be for most First Graders to be doing College-level assignments? Does that apply here too? I realize all of us begin at a different level, but is there a way to find better tools, resources or other connections to measure what we know vs what we are trying to learn or is there something someone can share that works for them?

Eight years ago when I got a few things out of therapy I felt were critical lessons, I lost interest in continuing. I know growing never ends and neither does learning. But being more proactive may will help do it quicker (right?). So I don't have to feel like the turtle...

Also, If anyone hasn't read the Info on Healing Post by Wolfie yet I wanted to mention I turned my head at first because it looked too complicated. So I just printed it out and read it when I had more time and patience and got much from it.

Thanks

Luv, Bugga