Re: Turtle on the Snail's Back

Re: Turtle on the Snail's Back ----- From: ))sk(( - Date: 17 Dec 1997

Dear bugga, your post is mine! My brain hurts from overload and SOMETIMES i think what the hell am I trying to do???

Your soul is srrrreeaammming to be held, loved, and comforted - God I wish I could (or SOMONE, wolfie) stand behind you and give you a kick - (which I feel from time to time from everyone here) But like you I hold on tight to the door jams - nooooooo way - I dont deserve this!!! I will loose WHO I am - waht if I do this and STILL I am not loved!?!?

But the kicks arent enough (the words of others - never REALLY helped me to SEE it in myself - I can hear "gee, sk, youre so swell" a millllllliiioooon times and STILL think - uh no Im not!! I sense the BRAIN is NOT where we find these answers and ALL THE BOOKS in the world can HELP - BUT - its the letting go and JUMING off into the big big endless empty unknown pit!! Thats hard as HELL!

I have been hesitant even w/ my responses in this forum - mostly because I feel inferior in my "recovery" or hraling - WHAT could I possibly GIVE to these struggling souls?? What KIND of STORY or ADVICE can I GIVE that would be pertinent??

hmmmm- - - - - still find it hard to beleive I HAVE it in there!!! It comes out - yea - when I want it to - i dunno -

All this thinking CAN be damn tiring!!! Sometimes you read and read and say OK - I understand - but WHEN can I feel this!!! I WANT TO FEEL IT!!! HONEST!!!

Im wishing you more - because you want it and deserve it! ME too! I hear it in your "voice" )))))lots((((( sk