Love has no pride?

Love has no pride? ----- From: David - Date: 18 Dec 1997

Thank you to all who wrote back to me: Mzet, Lost Love, ljlal, Noni, SK, DD, Bernd, and others. Most of what you wrote me I already knew, but at the same time I didn't know. It's like I was blind to it for a while.

I could be thinking, "My wife's love for/attachment to me was SEVERELY tested, and in the end it proved to be true. Even when she was intensely involved with someone else and it was very painful for her, she dropped him and stayed with me." Instead, I tend to think about a lot of little things she didn't handle the way I would have liked, and get hung up on them. Thank you for pointing out so many things that I somehow seem oblivious to in spite of the fact that they are staring me in the face.

Love has no pride? I think maybe it's true. I was so proud to be in control of the situation (when I wasn't). I was proud that I had "forced" them apart (I didn't). It was pride that made me talk like I was the one that had decided they wouldn't be together (how stupid). It would have been totally impossible for me to understand the first thing about what really happened with taking my "pride" down a few notches.

Wounded pride -- oh the urgency I feel to mend it. But it can't be done. In fact it seems that struggling to mend it only makes one look pathetic. It's like being defeated in a war, then carrying on a big show of military muscle on the battlefield a year later -- after everyone else has left. Once our pride is wounded, it really can't be repaired until we get past the situation that caused it and move on. Or at least that's the way it seems to me.

I feel about 20 times more secure today than I have for the past 3 weeks. I can't tell you all what a great help all of you have been to me this week. I feel like I understand a lot more clearly what happened and what it means.

I know I have a lot to be thankful for. I've essentially gained everything I wanted when this whole nightmare started a year ago. Nevertheless, I find myself stumbling along, falling into holes, tripping over the smallest of stones. Some of you are climbing a cliff. I think I'm falling down more while I walk down my wide sidewalk. Sometimes I feel stupid for feeling like I do. But I feel what I feel and I know I just have to ride through it.