Re: Tis the Season.....

Re: Tis the Season..... ----- From: Diane - Date: 18 Dec 1997

Dean,

merry merry to you and everyone else as well!!!

Some quick thoughts that came to mind as I scanned your post. Was the reason you sent our ex an x-mas greeting as clearhearted as you say? I know when I divorced my first husband, I was frightened that ANY sort of response, even just speaking in a nice tone, would be misleading, that my ex-partner would glean some hope out of our contact. It felt better for me at the time to be a little abrupt. I am only speaking from my own experience. It sounds, from your post, that you expected something in return. I'm really sorry if I sound harsh, but when my ex-husband did ANYTHING nice for me, send birthday cards, forward e-mail jokes, and I would respond favorably, it would turn into, "when are you coming home?" or "Can we go out to dinner?" I learned very quickly to not respond to any sort of contact. I'm not saying that you are being manipulative, but she may just be a little gun-shy at this point.

Let me nitpick a moment. Of course it is courteous to respond when someone sends you x-mas greetings (not a gift), but it really entirely necessary, all you have sent her is a "thinking of you, hope your holiday is nice, etc."

It was sweet of you to send her a card, the important part of that act is that it made you feel good to share in the spirit of the season. As long as you know you are operating with an clear heart, what you get in back from the other party is pretty irrelevant.

regards - Diane