In this relationship, I'm constantly
confronted with a paradox: to get unconditional love, how
can I love my SO without having the "condition"
that they love me back? I know other couples where one
seemed to do all the giving, getting very little in
return. Often they ended up drained and disillusioned,
vowing never to be taken advantage of again.
If I remember that genuine love always
gives me back as much or more than I give out, I can
begin to find better ways of loving that automatically
have their own reward. When I expect something
back, I set myself up for disillusionment. For example,
when something I do for my partner leaves me feeling
hidden resentment, I can usually find my hidden motives
lurking underneath. Maybe all I wanted was appreciation
or acknowledgment, but no matter what my actual motive
is, whenever I want something in return, I'm actually
bartering, and my attempts to be loving become
frustrating because of that.
Letting go of my wish to have my
partner change something about themselves, for example,
is loving, because love involves acceptance. As I let go
of my desire to change them, I find that my happiness and
peace of mind increase as well, because I have one less
thing to stew over.
Just for Today
Today I'll try to do one simple, small
thing that feels loving, without any expectation
of acknowledgement, but just for the sheer pleasure it
gives me to do it.
The paradox is clear: what you give out comes back. What
you give away is yours to keep. All that you give you
give to yourself. - Douglas Bloch
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