There are likely occasions in our
relationship when I become very upset at something my partner does. Maybe they make a big
purchase without consulting me, and it has a huge effect on our finances. Or they break
important plans that weve made, or do the exact opposite of something they promised.
One of the questions that probably comes to mind during such times, is
"why didnt they talk to me before they decided?" Maybe that
question deserves more attention than Ive been giving it.
I may discover that Ive been focusing more on having us both make
"right decisions", rather than seeing what needs our choices are trying to fill
in each of us. Perhaps my SO doesnt talk over things with me at times, because they
feel Im the final judge of how right or wrong a choice is.
If so, maybe I can find ways of talking over decisions that explore both
of our needs more, and take a closer look at whether Im giving
"permission" in a particular choice, or truly giving my point of view.
Just for Today
Today, Ill make a list of large and small decisions that each of
us have made, and look closely at how many weve reached together as equals, and how
many I played the role of final judge with. Ill check the latter, to see if there
are other ways of handling them that will bring me better results.
Be aware that a halo has to fall only a
few inches to be a noose. - Dan McKinnon
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